New decade

It's approaching 2010 and I'm about ready to get into a warm bed. It's -27 degrees outside and having been out all day my tired eyes aren't interested in staying open long enough to bring in the new year. I feel sorry for my drunken friends who, in a few hours, are going to be freezing their asses off trying to get home in a city notoriusly known for having a taxi shortage and poor public transportation. Here's hoping I don't get a wake up call with incoherent ramblings about needing a ride around 3:00 am.

Throughout the day I have reflected on the past decade. For me, the last ten years can be summarized by one word, survival. I survived a severe three year depression. I survived seven jobs. I survived being laid off from my job during the dot com crash which changed many people's career paths. I survived an internal struggle between the lure of corporate prestige and my personal value system (fortunately the latter won). I survived the disintegration of a very valued friendship. I survived lone travels. I survived the painful first steps of spiritual self discovery and facing my own faults. I survived three broken bones and 37 hours without pain medication. I survived a concusion during my 30 birthday celebration. I survived solitude. I survived celibacy. I survived winters.

It's been an amazing ride and I have no regrets. As midnight approaches I'm thinking about my wonderful family and friends who have been with me unconditionaly. And regardless of what the next ten years brings I am still very aware of how blessed I've been in my life, never worrying about the basics like shelter, food, and heath care. And on the last day of 2009, I laughed and played with my nephews and cuddled with my cat, it doesn't get more perfect than that.

Happy new year!

Ho, hoe, ho'?

The christmas season's here and everywhere I look someone's trying to get money out of me. Only human beings could turn something that originated to spread peace and love and turn it into a greedy capitalist extravaganza. I'd cry because it's so horrible but I can't help but laugh at the traffic jams entering and exiting the mall and all the poor suckers who can't control themselves.

I'm absolutely delighted that everyone knows not to buy me anything and they also don't expect anything from me simply because of a Christmas obligation. I am more of the mind set that gifts should be given or recieved at any given moment. When you happen upon something someone would appreciate or feel someone deserves something nice. Isolating gift giving to certain days forces us to search for some useless token for someone that often times ends up in a closet and then in the garbage during the next big house cleaning.

I do however like Christmas because of the opportunity to socialize with friends at the various parties being hosted. Ever since everyone entered family-dom there isn't much opporunity for that. It started with Thursday's hot pot get together and continued with Shann and Mikos housewarming/x-mas party on Saturday night where everyone laughed until 3:00 am. Christmas eve comes with an invite to celebrate with cocktails at Emily and Alex's. And to top things off, Christmas day is the Forrest family's annual Christmas brunch which often turns into a full day of eating, drinking and being merry. A fabulous feast of socializing before everyone gets absorbed into everyday life and we don't see each other for another few weeks. Which is just enough time for my body to recover from holiday season glutony.

Winter's a little less sucky, but it still really sucks

Last Thursday I purchased a set of winter tires for the very first time. I honestly thought it was a bunch of hype designed by tire manufacturers to make money. I was wrong. I can't believe the difference it has made and I'm feeling a lot more confident on the roads.

For me, the worst part of winter is defintely the driving. It is a very stressful task and I develop this massive knot between my shoulder blades every winter. I can't relax behind the steering wheel, driving in hightened alert mode, hunched forward with shoulders raised, looking for patches of ice and out of control cars while praying the traffic light doesn't turn yellow when I am too close to the intersection to hit my brakes yet too far to go through. And so, with my new winter tires, and sense of my car gripping the road instead of gliding on air, I am actually enjoying winter a little more now.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still not converted into one those winter lovers (yes, they actually do exist). And judging by the amount of whining around me, I'm realizing I'm not alone in my dislike of this awful season. I hear it everywhere, in elevators, at work, at social gatherngs, everyone bitching like it's their first winter experience. Complaining about the slippery road conditions, the ridiculously low temperatures, the extra time and effort involved in layering up before going outside, and about their lost mittens. It makes me sad thinking about all of the gloves and mittens out there without their matching halfs.

There was a moment when my eyes tranistioned from the optimism of a child to the cynasim of an adult, and since then I have hated winter. Despite many years in Canada, winter hasn't grown on me the least bit. It's dirty and cold and a completely unnatural climate for human beings given our fur-less state. So, I continue to complain...I miss my flip flops, I miss the soft feel of grass underneath my feet, I miss the sun, I miss vitamin D, and I miss roads that aren't covered in ice.

Luxuries taken for granted

It was an emotional day today as thoughts of poverty and crime overwhelmed me. A BBC news story about child slavery in poverty stricken Haiti and an email attachment with pictures depicting the hardships soldiers face in war torn countries really got me thinking about the injustices in the world and also how fortunate (and spoiled) I am. This evening, when I stepped into the Joyce Doolittle theatre at the Pumphouse, I wasn't prepared for how the private thoughts from earlier today would come alive at Fortis theatre company's performance of Scorched. Had I been prepared, then I wouldn't be desperately trying to settle my brain at this ridiculous hour.

The play was about two siblings who, in the process of fulfilling their mother's final wishes, uncover her history in a war torn middle eastern country and unravel the dark secrets that plunged her into a 5 year silence. The small intimate theatre had been transformed into a desert with sand covering the floor and a single white rock placed in the middle. There was no stage and we sat in a semi circle around the rock, level with the actors. This set up, along with the white sheets that covered the chairs, was effective in transporting us into their fictional world.

To summarize the story in a blog entry would be an injustice because its clever intricacies would be left out. Both complex and heart wrenching, and with the emotions from earlier today still lingering, I was a crying mess throughout the second half. It was touching watching the kid's anger turn into love and compassion after they discover the horror's of their mother's past. But what really started the waterfall was how the mother still managed a positive outlook despite the tragedies she endured.

Slightly under two hours, it was a little too long and could have probably used another round of editng. I also found the dialogue unclear and dragging at times but I'm wondering if something got lost during the translation from its original French version. My companions and I differed on whether or not it was too serious. They would have liked a little more humour and thought the actors were overdramatic where as I thought the lack of humor was effective in communicating the extent to which war ruins lives. Regardless, it certainly gave us a lot to talk about afterwards.

Right now, sitting in my comfortable condo, warm by the fireplace, with a fully stocked fridge, a comfortable bed just around the corner, and running water and a warm shower to greet me in the morning, I'm trying not to feel guilty for everything that I have. Growing up in Malaysia and spending my summer's in Pakistan I was always aware of the misfortunes of others and it made me more grateful for what I had. Here, in the western world, I get lost in the extravagances and material greed that surrounds me and I can't believe that I complain about things that are so insignificant.