Fearless

Last night I dreamed that I was lying on the edge of a runway and as the planes took off and landed, grazing my nose, I just smiled, fearless. It got me thinking about all the things that I would do if I was fearless. There are many.

These days, with job cuts looming at the university everybody is fearful of being unemployed. I'm one of them, even though I hate my job. I have always hated my job and yet I'm scared of losing it. This weekend I spent three hours trying to figure out why image control events weren't firing correctly and another two hours learning about data binding and value converters. And if none of that makes sense to you then you're a very lucky person. The fact that I was working on a weekend is ridiculous enough, add to it that I am building a software application to streamline someone's business process so they can make more money, and I have realized that it's completely fucking pointless.

I actually like computers. Last week I spent hours helping two friends solve computer issues and every second was enjoyable. What I dislike is sitting in a cubicle seven hours everyday answering to some asshole control freak who thinks his life actually means something because he has 'manager' written on his business card. I hate selling my soul to the corporate master because nothing I do for them means anything in the long run and adds no real value to my life. If I was fearless I would tell them exactly what was on my mind, right before quitting.