The Samina Story

You aren't who you think we are

2011-04-10T20:16:00.000-07:00

I feel lucky that I have people in my life who aren't afraid to step outside the realm of polite or safe conversation. I appreciate those who enjoy exchanging philosophical rants or a heated round of respectful debate. Or, who aren't afraid to open up and express their deepest fears and desires. People who tell me I'm 'wrong' but are willing to accept with an open mind when I tell them the same. I learn so much from them and, even though things may get uncomfortable, I appreciate that they find value in exposing their ignorance, feelings, desires, or fears.

I make no apologies for my excessive want of complex conversation. Although it may come across as snobish, my motiviation is not so much self centered but more self evolving. The truth is I am uncomfortable when my world becomes too comfortable. One can get arrogant when not forced to challenge their own status quo. Creating an unchanging identity with opinions set in stone and judgements based on ignorance simply strokes one's own ego and allows them to radiate a sense of false happiness and certainty in an uncertain and scary world.

It's difficult with a lot of people to get to the point where you exchange more than just comments about the weather and polite formalities as not to offed. Some people are just more comfortable with shallow banter and it doesn't matter how much time you spend with them you never can REALLY know them. There are people in my life I have known for years that and have no idea what they really think or feel. These are my aquaintances.

When it comes to personal growth, I particularly relish the opportunity to meet new people because even the usual crowd can get too comfortable. It is new encounters that especially force me to step outside my comfort zone because they bring to my world a completely different way of looking at things. However, it is difficult breaking through the walls that most people put up to protect the person they have become. I feel sorry for those that believe they have nothing left to learn and don't realize the potential for personal growth when you put down your defences and dare to challenge your own truth by getting inside someone elses head. Absorbing all their experiences, questioning their values vs. yours, being influenced by their ideals, challenging and being challenged by another truth, understanding and learning from their reality. I understand that change can be difficult. That challenging yourself and questioning false truths can be quite depressing. But, if you simply accept that 'you are who you are' then you'll only experience life in one way. How boring.

Samina the plumber

2011-03-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

Although I'm not the most skilled at do-it-yourself household repairs, my frugal nature has forced me to tackle tasks I would much rather hire an expert to do. At $90an hour, it was not an option to call in a plumber to fix my clogged bathroom sink. Especially since it is not a difficult undertaking and something I'm more than capable of learning to do. So I spent my Saturday morning underneath the sink, deciphering the pipes and valves that allow me access to water.

It was quite the labourous task, as the most obvious solution of cleaning the top drain didn't work. I ended up fashioning a pipe snake out of a metal hanger and had to fish the digusting gunk out of the pipes that led into the main piping system behind the wall. After the successful de-clogging I felt proud of my ingenuity and the fact that I didn't run to Rona and pick up some overpriced tool that would get used so infrequently and spend most it's time on a shelf collecting dust.

Thankfully, the overwhelming smell of septic water and sight of nausea inducing unidentified black sludge is in the past. Looking forward to some downtown shopping and photography with friends this afternoon, which is really how a weekend should be spent.

Elizabeth & the Catapult

2010-12-21T13:52:00.000-08:00

After a long dry spell I finally found a band I like.

Chantal Kreviazuk with the CPO

2010-11-14T19:46:00.000-08:00

Chantal Kreviazuk recently put on a concert accompanied by the Calgary Pholharmonic Orchestra. It was an amazing evening that I would rank as one of the best live performances I've seen. The music was perfectly arranged to not over shadow the singer and allow her to showcase her music, which is difficult to do when you have over 50 musicians and 20 different instruments. Their rendidtion of Time, my favorite Kreviazuk song, sent shivers down my spine and further proved Chantal worthy of my adoration.

Chantal in a homegrown talent that doesn't get the recognition she deserves. When I first saw her perform live a few years ago I was blown away by her vocal range and quality. When she silences everyone else on stage and perfoms solo with her piano it is obvious that she is very musically skilled and is far more than just a digitally altered faux musician.

From the mouth of babes (part 3)

2010-10-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

Zaman is discovering the benefit of being able to pee standing up. While we were in the washrooms at Calaway park he mentioned that he was standing and peeing because public toilets are dirty. When it was my turn he asked if I was going to stand. I simply said no, and didn't elaborate any further. He responded by proudly saying, "Khaala, it's very easy, when we get home I can teach you."

Jibraan, who is just starting to master the English language, made an interesting discovery. As I was leaving his house he ran towards the door and said, "I have a new bum from Canada."

Me and my white friends

2010-09-05T23:58:00.001-07:00

Everytime my friends and I eat at Sun's BBQ someone at our table cracks a joke about being the only people in the restaurant who aren't Chinese. The comments are always centered around the mass amounts of food we consume. We laugh about the staff or patrons probably mocking the white people who eat too much. It might not seem funny written in a blog but in the moment it's hilarious and becomes even funnier the fuller we get.

It occured to me, after our last visit there, that hey, I'm not white. In the moment, when the jokes are flying and even I am making comments about our WHITE table, that I am indeed one of them. It seems so nautural. I love that there is no need to prefix a joke with 'that white table and one brown person'. It's so great that color is irrelevant when we are making race based jokes :-).

Nothing to look forward to

2010-07-02T12:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not known to back down from a challenge. Although things may seem difficult in the beggining I can convince myself to persevere as I eagerly await that feeling of accomplishment when something that seems impossible suddenly becomes second nature. This happens often in tennis as I master one technique and progress to something new. It is the same thing with piano or singing, both of which are filled with the highs of accomplishment and the lows of the seeminlgy impossible. What makes certain challenges worth persevering at is when the next level is so different from the previous one that you're adding more knowledge and experience to your repertoire.

I try to take the same never-give-up approach to working out however I just can't find the same satisfaction. When ten push ups seem impossible and then one day becomes easy, more reps are added. When running 5 km's isn't challenging anymore, more distance is added. Sit ups, pulls ups, etc.... it's all the same. It has become quite boring doing the same thing, or slight varieties that aren't really different enough to be intersting. I am not about to quit because there is a nice sense of accomplishment when you notice muscles you haven't seen before or your pants fit looser. Thankfully, a kick ass playlist on a portable mp3 player keeps me going.

No going back

2010-06-25T11:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday there was a group of guys goofing around on the tennis court. Engaged in a friendly match, they seemd to be really enjoying themselves. The sounds of friendly taunts, harmless insults, and a lot of laughter crossed over to our court. They were decent players, skilled enough to get a point going with a lob serve and to keep the ball in play for lenghty rallies to make for an enjoyable game

The sound of their simple fun only escalataed the extreme frustration that I had been experiencing prior to their arrival. Amongst thoughts about backhand grips, forehand follow through and proper footwork, I envied their abilibty to just get out and enjoy the beautiful sunny day without having to analyze every shot.

I was feeling added pressure because this weekend I'm playing in the Stampede Classic tennis tournament. I entered the same tournament last year with unfavourable results, but seeing as it was my first tournament ever I was not too disapointed with losing. I have not really been entertaining thoughts of winning or losing this weekend but my biggest fear going into the tournament is not showing an ounce of improvement 365 days later.

Other than a little lapse in concentration from December to February I have worked really hard at improving my game. Committing to hitting at least four times a week, spending a small fortune on tennis lessons, and pushing myself to practice with the ball machine at 7:00 in the morning should, in theory, produce improved play.

I'm stuck in limbo, so far from being a beginner but no where near acheiving the skills to compete at the level that I aspire to. I have accepted the fact I'll never be one of those happy-go-lucky-bat-the-ball-around-and-laugh players. Even in the friendliest of matches I'll always be searching for perfection. But if I don't improve then I'll be stuck in the middle forever.

Cinderella

2010-05-04T12:07:00.000-07:00

This old gal managed to stay out past midnight without any tragic consequence. It was actually 2:00 am by the time I got home, wearing both shoes and not a pumpkin in sight. I can't imagine what came over me, as lately even the smallest social outing seems unappealing, especially when it involves crowded downtown bars. It's an unfortunate (or fortunate) consequence of getting older. These days I am happy with small gatherings that involve wine and a board game or two.

The evening started out at a nice quiet restaurant with wonderful conversation and then ended at a crowded bar where loud 80's music made conversations barely audible. I thoroughly enjoyed the first venue but only lasted one hour at the second. As I smiled and nodded at drunken conversations that either made no sense or I couldn't hear at all, I tried to summon the old Samina that at one time actually thrived in such environments. She is not here anymore.

Alcohol is certainly a factor in one’s ability to enjoy themselves in certain clubs and bars, especially when everyone else is drunk. You need to get to a certain level of intoxication where you aren't concerned that it is jam packed and sweaty strangers are rubbing up against you. Where you don't mind paying a ridiculous amount for drinks and giving 25% tips. Where it doesn't matter if you're saying anything worth hearing, it just has to be loud and accompanied by crazy dance moves or strange hand movements so it gets laughter from the crowd.

There is nothing wrong with that, to each his own. Hey, I did it. I even enjoyed it, when I wasn't regretting it. But seeing as I don't drink silly amounts of alcohol anymore it's probably best for this Cinderella find her prince elsewhere.

San Francisco

2010-04-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

While standing in line at the EPCOR center box office I overheard someone expressing with great disappointment to his friends about his disappointing vacation to Vancouver. He bitched for quite some time about the horrible weather and how the rain and wind completely ruined his trip. I was still on a high from two fabulous weeks in San Francisco and so I couldn't ignore this sob story.

San Francisco was amazing, what a beautiful city which certainly deserves the saying "I left my heart in San Francisco". Even the outlying cities have so much to offer. But given the fact I was visiting during their rainy season, there was the potential for an uncomfortable trip. I, however, had left Calgary with the expectation of rain and so sun, sun and more sun was an added bonus. Perhaps the disappointed stranger should have done a little more research.

Travelling is risky business and mother nature isn't always going to cooperate, but attitude plays a huge factor in one’s ability to enjoy themselves in the face of crappy weather. With so much to see and do there were days in SF where I was forced to spend an entire day outside even though it was colder or wetter then I would have preferred. But even those days were nothing complain about because I set up proper expectations, had flexible plans, and forced myself to smile.

No pun intended

2010-03-19T09:21:00.000-07:00

After three months without tennis lessons and a severe decline in the number of hours spent on the court, I'm finally getting back into the swing of things (no pun intended). My 'return' to tennis has been interesting because my game has actually improved tremendously even though I was hardly playing. Even my instructor is shocked and revealed that he thought my technique would actually decline during my hiatus. It's a mystery, but a wonderful one at that.

I am plagued with injuries these days and my evening routine now consists of me lying still for 25 minutes with ice packs scattered across my body. It's times like these that I am glad I live 'alone' and there is no one around to witness such strange affairs. Rogue seems very understanding and supportive and enjoys this time when she just curls up beside me and we chill together (again, no pun intended).

I have decided to leave my racquet and ice packs at home while I'm in San Francisco. I am also leaving my work out clothes behind. What my body needs right now is to recover and stretch. I am looking forward to quiet mornings of slowly sipping coffee and a relaxing yoga stretch instead of the usual routine of running around and getting pulled in all directions (no pun intended).

Malaysia night

2010-02-23T21:30:00.001-08:00

I've been feeling nostalgic lately and thinking a lot about my younger years growing up in Malaysia. So I decided to channel my energy into cooking up a Malaysian feast. The menu was lamb khurma, chicken satay with peanut sauce, dhal, and fresh roti channai. It was quite the feat trying to get all the right spices to try and make everything as authentic as possible. Galangal, blachan, and candlenut aren't common in big supermarket chains and so I ventured to the local sri lankan food market down the street and managed to find almost everything. Whatever I couldn't find I was able to get from invading my mom's pantry. Thankfully she had the foresight to stock up during her last visit to the northeast sector of the city where most of the international grocers can be found.

I have photographed the cooking process and subsequent devouring of food and uploaded the pictures onto facebook. Check them out, http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=199938&id=713745589&l=7ad4151de1.

Television

2010-02-18T21:20:00.000-08:00


Old television	New Television

I finally caved and purchased a brand new television. As the pictures illustrate, it was quite the jump going from my 19" tube television to a swanky 46" LCD. This might seem like a complete waste of money for someone who won't get cable and hasn't turned on her television in two years. It probably was a bit of an induglence but I am very impressed by the design and technology and so I am content with my purchase. Plus, I am really enjoying watching downloaded movies on a big screen in the comfort of my living room instead of hunched over at the computer squinting at my small monitor.

Countdown to San Francisco

2010-02-03T19:00:00.000-08:00

I realize that 7 weeks is far too early to start a countdown but these days it's all I've got. I've been in a serious rut for months now and thinking about getting away is lifting my spirits. Besides, having something real to look forward to sure beats daydreaming about permanently escpaping to somewhere warm where somehow life is miracously perfect.

This sharp decline in attitude started in October around the same time as the first snow fall. Coincidence? I don't think so. Winter usually gets me down but this one seems to be worse. I barely get to the gym and tennis, beautiful tennis, has become a chore. My blog posts are far too infrequent and my other writing projects are collecting dust. My music goals have been temporarily shelved. The only thing that brings me joy is my nephews. Thank God for them!

It all boils down to having a bad attitude (and a vitamin D deficiency, according to my doctor). The vitamin D thing can be easily corrected and is apparently a common problem for people who live in climates that don't offer a lot of sun exposure. The bad attitude problem is going to take some work because I've always suffered from an irritating (to others) and unjustified case of negativity. I have no excuse really because I often meet people who have faced actual harships and horrible tragedies in their lives yet they have an amazing attitude. I admire that. I aspire towards that.

From the mouths of babes (part 2)

2010-01-25T21:50:00.000-08:00

Khaala: "What's your favorite animal?"

Zaman: "The one that does not bite me."

Overwhelmingly underwhlemed

2010-01-16T11:00:00.000-08:00

I couldn't get through a full work week after two weeks holiday and so I took Thursday off and went to Fiddler on the Roof. It was simple and cute and made me laugh. For $67 I got to sit third row from the stage, which beats paying $90 for crapppy second balcony seats if I went to the evening or weekend matinee performances. $90! What the what? That's crazy expensive and over priced for a show that's probably worth $50. Good seats, quaint show, afternoon off work, I can't compain, but I'm going to...

The 2009/2010 theatre season has been a little underwhleming so far. I haven't seen anything that's been been worth raving about. I'm looking forward to seeing Kawasaki Exit this week for a little twisted entertainment. It is One Yellow Rabbit's latest creation and they are usually a good bet if you're looking for something that's more creative than the status quo. It's nice to still have a less expensive option in Calgary because it seems like everyone else keeps increasing their prices but reducing the quality of their shows. Hopefully ATP's Play Rites has something worth seeing because it's getting harder to justify spending all this money for average entertainment. If I have a next life then wouldn't it be great to be a playwright and create the types of shows I expect from everyone else.

A terrific holiday

2010-01-10T22:37:00.000-08:00

Today was a gloomy day as I came off a two week holiday high and preprared myself for heading back to work tomorrow. My brain resurected the battle between being grateful for having a job during these difficult economic times and my constant disdain for sitting behind a cubicle working towards something that's completely insignificant in the greater picture.

Fortunately, my holiday was fabulous! Didn't venture far from Calgary or my little northwest hood. The best thing about staying put when I am off work is getting to spend full days with Zaman and Jibraan. Got some stuff accomplished around my apartment, did a little writing, socialized just the right amount, and watched a few movies. Alice, the bearded dragon came for a visit which was lovely. When she is not spending time by herself deep in thought, she plays a ferocious game of tennis, enjoys reading, and partakes responsibly in a little recreational drug use. The perfect roomate.

New decade

2009-12-31T23:25:00.000-08:00

It's approaching 2010 and I'm about ready to get into a warm bed. It's -27 degrees outside and having been out all day my tired eyes aren't interested in staying open long enough to bring in the new year. I feel sorry for my drunken friends who, in a few hours, are going to be freezing their asses off trying to get home in a city notoriusly known for having a taxi shortage and poor public transportation. Here's hoping I don't get a wake up call with incoherent ramblings about needing a ride around 3:00 am.

Throughout the day I have reflected on the past decade. For me, the last ten years can be summarized by one word, survival. I survived a severe three year depression. I survived seven jobs. I survived being laid off from my job during the dot com crash which changed many people's career paths. I survived an internal struggle between the lure of corporate prestige and my personal value system (fortunately the latter won). I survived the disintegration of a very valued friendship. I survived lone travels. I survived the painful first steps of spiritual self discovery and facing my own faults. I survived three broken bones and 37 hours without pain medication. I survived a concusion during my 30 birthday celebration. I survived solitude. I survived celibacy. I survived winters.

It's been an amazing ride and I have no regrets. As midnight approaches I'm thinking about my wonderful family and friends who have been with me unconditionaly. And regardless of what the next ten years brings I am still very aware of how blessed I've been in my life, never worrying about the basics like shelter, food, and heath care. And on the last day of 2009, I laughed and played with my nephews and cuddled with my cat, it doesn't get more perfect than that.

Happy new year!

Ho, hoe, ho'?

2009-12-22T19:09:00.000-08:00

The christmas season's here and everywhere I look someone's trying to get money out of me. Only human beings could turn something that originated to spread peace and love and turn it into a greedy capitalist extravaganza. I'd cry because it's so horrible but I can't help but laugh at the traffic jams entering and exiting the mall and all the poor suckers who can't control themselves.

I'm absolutely delighted that everyone knows not to buy me anything and they also don't expect anything from me simply because of a Christmas obligation. I am more of the mind set that gifts should be given or recieved at any given moment. When you happen upon something someone would appreciate or feel someone deserves something nice. Isolating gift giving to certain days forces us to search for some useless token for someone that often times ends up in a closet and then in the garbage during the next big house cleaning.

I do however like Christmas because of the opportunity to socialize with friends at the various parties being hosted. Ever since everyone entered family-dom there isn't much opporunity for that. It started with Thursday's hot pot get together and continued with Shann and Mikos housewarming/x-mas party on Saturday night where everyone laughed until 3:00 am. Christmas eve comes with an invite to celebrate with cocktails at Emily and Alex's. And to top things off, Christmas day is the Forrest family's annual Christmas brunch which often turns into a full day of eating, drinking and being merry. A fabulous feast of socializing before everyone gets absorbed into everyday life and we don't see each other for another few weeks. Which is just enough time for my body to recover from holiday season glutony.

Winter's a little less sucky, but it still really sucks

2009-12-11T21:42:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday I purchased a set of winter tires for the very first time. I honestly thought it was a bunch of hype designed by tire manufacturers to make money. I was wrong. I can't believe the difference it has made and I'm feeling a lot more confident on the roads.

For me, the worst part of winter is defintely the driving. It is a very stressful task and I develop this massive knot between my shoulder blades every winter. I can't relax behind the steering wheel, driving in hightened alert mode, hunched forward with shoulders raised, looking for patches of ice and out of control cars while praying the traffic light doesn't turn yellow when I am too close to the intersection to hit my brakes yet too far to go through. And so, with my new winter tires, and sense of my car gripping the road instead of gliding on air, I am actually enjoying winter a little more now.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still not converted into one those winter lovers (yes, they actually do exist). And judging by the amount of whining around me, I'm realizing I'm not alone in my dislike of this awful season. I hear it everywhere, in elevators, at work, at social gatherngs, everyone bitching like it's their first winter experience. Complaining about the slippery road conditions, the ridiculously low temperatures, the extra time and effort involved in layering up before going outside, and about their lost mittens. It makes me sad thinking about all of the gloves and mittens out there without their matching halfs.

There was a moment when my eyes tranistioned from the optimism of a child to the cynasim of an adult, and since then I have hated winter. Despite many years in Canada, winter hasn't grown on me the least bit. It's dirty and cold and a completely unnatural climate for human beings given our fur-less state. So, I continue to complain...I miss my flip flops, I miss the soft feel of grass underneath my feet, I miss the sun, I miss vitamin D, and I miss roads that aren't covered in ice.

Luxuries taken for granted

2009-12-04T05:57:00.000-08:00

It was an emotional day today as thoughts of poverty and crime overwhelmed me. A BBC news story about child slavery in poverty stricken Haiti and an email attachment with pictures depicting the hardships soldiers face in war torn countries really got me thinking about the injustices in the world and also how fortunate (and spoiled) I am. This evening, when I stepped into the Joyce Doolittle theatre at the Pumphouse, I wasn't prepared for how the private thoughts from earlier today would come alive at Fortis theatre company's performance of Scorched. Had I been prepared, then I wouldn't be desperately trying to settle my brain at this ridiculous hour.

The play was about two siblings who, in the process of fulfilling their mother's final wishes, uncover her history in a war torn middle eastern country and unravel the dark secrets that plunged her into a 5 year silence. The small intimate theatre had been transformed into a desert with sand covering the floor and a single white rock placed in the middle. There was no stage and we sat in a semi circle around the rock, level with the actors. This set up, along with the white sheets that covered the chairs, was effective in transporting us into their fictional world.

To summarize the story in a blog entry would be an injustice because its clever intricacies would be left out. Both complex and heart wrenching, and with the emotions from earlier today still lingering, I was a crying mess throughout the second half. It was touching watching the kid's anger turn into love and compassion after they discover the horror's of their mother's past. But what really started the waterfall was how the mother still managed a positive outlook despite the tragedies she endured.

Slightly under two hours, it was a little too long and could have probably used another round of editng. I also found the dialogue unclear and dragging at times but I'm wondering if something got lost during the translation from its original French version. My companions and I differed on whether or not it was too serious. They would have liked a little more humour and thought the actors were overdramatic where as I thought the lack of humor was effective in communicating the extent to which war ruins lives. Regardless, it certainly gave us a lot to talk about afterwards.

Right now, sitting in my comfortable condo, warm by the fireplace, with a fully stocked fridge, a comfortable bed just around the corner, and running water and a warm shower to greet me in the morning, I'm trying not to feel guilty for everything that I have. Growing up in Malaysia and spending my summer's in Pakistan I was always aware of the misfortunes of others and it made me more grateful for what I had. Here, in the western world, I get lost in the extravagances and material greed that surrounds me and I can't believe that I complain about things that are so insignificant.

Mmmm artificial flavour

2009-11-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

The last of the homemade yogourt got eaten this morning and because of a lack of planning on my part I had to buy yogourt from the grocery store. After reading the labels from the different brands I concluded they all sucked and just grabbed whatever was affordable.

Store bought yogourt ingredients: milk ingredients, peach base (sugar, peaches, water, modified corn starch, natural and artificial flavour, potassium sorbate, colour [contains tartrazine]), water, modified corn starch, modified milk ingredients, gelatin, carrageenan, active bacterial cultures

Homemade yogourt ingredients: milk, active bacterial cultures, fresh fruit (optional)

I'm doing more foods from scratch these days beacause it's shocking what's out there. I was honestly surprised (and disgusted) by the ingredients in the yogourt that I purchased. I expect the foods in the aisles to be riddled with garbage, but in the peripheral I was hoping these more natural foods would remain untainted.

Knowing Samina (part 4)

2009-11-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa

I did not start talking until the final quarter of my third year. According to my mom, I knew how to speak, which I demonstrated at the doctor's by uttering the words 'mamma' when she took me there out of concern for my silence. Yet, for some unknown reason, I just decided I didn't want to be heard. Sometimes I wonder about the reasons for my vocal protest. Was it intential, a carefully thought out plan which enabled me to fully observe this strange world? Was it, as Mother Theresa suggests, my way of finding God, of growing like the trees, of moving like the stars. Or was I just slow?

In my adult life, I certainly wish there were times when I was a child again and capable of being silent. I'm not always the most elequent with my words and have been astonished by the things I mutter. Often, as the words leave me, I'm quite aware that they are inappropriate, incoherent, or completely false, yet I can't stop from saying them.

Fortunately, there are also times when I am quite brilliant with the spoken word and glad that I overcame my vocal shortcomings. In a crowded room, I can find the confidence to coduct a symphony of laughter with quick wit and sharp observations. On a good day, I can flawlessly defend my side of a debate and catch the glimmer of defeat in my opponents eyes. And, when I am fully committed to the fundamentals of Jihad, I can reveal my shortcomings, accept responsibility for poor behviour with heartfelt apologies, and brush aside my pride long enough to admit defeat.

But despite my current state of vocal aptitude, I sometimes feel like that child trying to find her voice. This struggle can be found in the secrets I keep for other people that I know should be revealed. It haunts me when I am silent in the face of socially deviant behaviour. It riddles me when I realize that I am not capable of revealing romantic feelings for anybody. And it is a burden when I review the blog entries that remain in draft mode. I have never published them for fear that they may be critisized as too long, ridiculed as too serious, or rejected for being wierd. Maybe since this was once one of those unpublished blog entries, I am one step closer to understanding the need for silence but also finding my voice.

From the mouths of babes (part 1)

2009-11-17T02:07:00.000-08:00

I accidentaly blurted the word 'stupid' in front of my nephews. To prove a point my sister scolded me for saying a bad word and ordered me out of the room for a time out. I was getting up to leave when the oldest rescued me by declaring 'no, I love her'. I was allowed to stay and play if I promised not to say the bad word again.

If only all mistakes could have such wonderful consequences.

The ugliest bowl

2009-11-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

Four weeks and many funny shaped bowls later, I'm wrapping up the pottery course I joined with my sister. She is a pottery fanatic who's been messing with the art form for years. I'm a total beginner who thought it would be fun to try something different. It was cool exploring another medium to express myself and I really enjoyed the peaceful meditative feeling of sitting at a pottery wheel.

My sis and I are both quite different in our tastes. She likes symmetry and would spend endless amounts of time creating straight lines and even sides. I'm not as finicky and so I'll pull off my lopsided bowls and cylinders from the pottery wheel and declare them as art. Despite our differences, we both agreed that the ugliest of the bowls was something I created that we didn't think could be used for anything practical. I glazed it anyways, all along thinking it would sit in a storage box. What a surprise when I got a call from Zaman this morning telling me how much he loved the purple bowl and that he was eating his breakfast out of it. Seems he thought the 'ugly' bowl was the prettiest of them all and was so happy when we told him we made it especially for him (yes, a little white lie, but you would understand if you saw the smile on his face).

I don't know what my nephew saw in this oddly shaped bowl that's not really the right size for anything. However, I notice that he has the remarkable ability to see brilliance in most things my brainwashed adult eyes overlook. He marvels at the color in a dry fallen leaf and I can only see dull brown. He picks up rocks that he claims are beautiful and smooth after I've passed them without a glance. He looks with awe and excitement at the simple fort I made out of a blanket and chairs while I stress about how I can improve its structure. What a wonderful gift, to see worth in everything through open minded eyes. I hope he keeps that view forever.

I can't believe

2009-11-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

I can't believe the anti gay sentiment from the radio announcer this morning. It is absurd that someone can be so bigoted about something that's as much as a non issue as the color of somebody's skin.

I can't believe somebody left their empty pizza boxes outside the elevator in my apartment building. Where do these uncivilized people originate from and how come I am surrounded by them?

I can't believe that the Calgary Flames got their own private H1N1 vaccination clinic. It's outrageous and unacceptable when the highest risk people like patients in hospitals haven't even recieved it and these over paid and over valued jocks get special treatment.

I can't believe that non high risk, relatively healthy Albertans over burdened the H1N1 vaccination clinics and stole the vaccine from those who needed it most. Now we know who we can't count on during a real crisis situation.

I can't believe what a mess the Alberta government has made of the whole H1N1 vaccination process. Not sure I could've done any better but I hope someone is taking notes and improvements are made for when a real threatening virus hits.

I can't believe that I don't entirely dislike Taylor Swift's new song that's playing on the radio. It's musically unoriginal and obviously cut from the same pattern as other big label hits, but when it's on I feel slightly happy and entertained.

I can't believe I got $10 in overdue fines at the library again. Everytime I tell myself it's not going to happen again, yet I am still paying overdue fines, am I just a completely useless creature of habit?

Samina Story: The Musical

2009-10-27T19:00:00.000-07:00

Amongst my collection of artsy and obscure films you'll find two oddities, Grease and Grease 2. It's true; although I may try and give the impression of someone with discerning taste, I am crazy about these goofball movies. In fact, I am crazy about musicals in general. I just get giddy when I see people spontaneously break into song and dance in order to express themselves. Grease introduced me to the wonderfuil world of musicals so obviously it's special to me. And simply being the sequel, Grease 2 was an automatic favorite. And besides, how could a 9 year old resist the appeal of a cool rider and songs about reproduction?

Unfortunately, growing up in Calgary and Malaysia didn't allow me the opportunity to see live musicals. The only musicals I was exposed to were the ones I day dreamed about. Yes, I openly admit, that as a kid, when life was amazing or boring or frustrating or wonderful and I couldn't quite express myself, I would sometimes imagine bursting out in song. And I'd also picture everyone around me participating in a perfectly choreographed dance routine.

It wasn't until I was older and started travelling was I able to cross off a few of the shows on my must see list. Everytime I planned on travelling to a big city, my pre departure routine included reasearch on which shows were currently playing there. Fortunately, with the recent growth in Calgary, more and more shows are making their way here and these shows are becoming more accessible.

Currently playing in Calgary is A Chorus Line, marketed as the best musical ever. That's up for debate, but what you can't argue is it's the longest running musical in Broadway's history. Luckily, I procrastinated in purchasing tickets and scored some free ones through a contest I entered. I took my mom and we went and watched it last night. It was fabulous! But I disagree that it is the best one ever, Chicago still holds that honour for me. Happily, I can cross off another show on the list, and that makes me want to burst out in song and dance.

Yesterday's Halo

2009-10-17T16:31:00.000-07:00

Mark Berube and the Patriotic Few were amazing on Friday night. Along with Jon Amor and the Lee Harvey Osmond band, they rocked SAIT's Gateway Bar and Lounge. We scored awesome seats five feet from the stage. With a love seat and some leather chairs, we declared it the VIP section and got comfortable.

I first became a fan of Mark Berube et al. when I saw them at the Calgary folk festival last summer. There is something about Mark's voice that really caught my attention. Here's one of my favorite songs so you too can experience their awesomeness;

Of course Lee Harvey Osmond had everyone engaged with their self declared style of acid folk. No surprise there. But we were pleasantly surprised by Jon Amor, an artist from the UK we hadn't heard before. With his witty lyrics and crazy guitar playing he held our attention throughout his entire set.

All in all, it was another fantastic adventure in live music. That was until sober me tried to engage my drunken friends in a debate about the unnatural images of beauty that society bombards women with. It was quite farsical, with them slurring their sentences and me getting visibly frustrated. I'm not sure who started the conversation but I was happy it ended when I dropped off my irritating but lovable and goofy drunken friends to continue their night at another bar.

Chinese Thanksgiving

2009-10-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

The white people who like spicy gathered at Sun's BBQ tonight to celebrate Thanksgiving. It was 16 'true' Canadians who celebrate this annual event of giving thanks plus 3 East Indians who like to eat. If you haven't ever eaten at Sun's, you're missing out. Judging from the sea of Chinese people that surrounded us, it is obviously a favorite amongst their community. It reminds me of the ethnic Chinese food we ate growing up in Malaysia. The waiters speak broken english so be careful when ordering almond milk because you'll end up with a coke. But if you study the menu and point at what you're ordering you'll get what you're expecting and you're sure to be pleased with the results. Even the littlest amongst us enjoyed whatever food she managed to get in her mouth.

A lot of food was consumed and we ate until our stomachs were about to explode. I'm learning this is the standard for most Thanksgiving get togethers. In total, our table of 8 and a half stomachs (Metro's only 7 years old), ordered 10 dishes and went through 3 containers of rice.

I'm liking this tradition of Chinese Thanksgiving. There was no cooking involved and no clean up either, just full bellies as we paid the bill and waddled outside. Note for next year though, we must at all cost protect Colleen's beer and dessert from the dish clearing vultures who pounced as soon as they saw an opportunity to get us out of there and usher in the next group.

An unsatisfying vacation

2009-10-05T17:24:00.000-07:00

Started a two week vacation last Monday with great expectations. Here is a recap of how it is going so far.

Tuesday, September 29th - In the evening I checked my work email and learned that the university has laid of 25% of their IT staff that morning. Spent the night pacing in my condo, wondering if I had a job to go back to. Fuckers!

Wednesday, September 30th - After no sleep, I went to the gym. My tennis coach lectured me about flu season and needing sleep. I shrugged it off. That night I got sick. Talked to my boss and found out that I still have a job but, and I quote, 'there is another round of lay offs in the new year'. Bastards!

October 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th - Sick! Saw a few movies at the film festival, which didn't do much for my current physical state, but mentally was very fulfilling.

October 5th - Dragged my ass to the gym and attempted a tennis lesson and workout. It was awful and my lungs burned the whole time. Went to work, even though I am still on holiday, to help with a technical problem. Went home and slept the entire day while replaying in my mind the list of things I was going to get done while on vacation.

Regardless, I'm lucky that I have a job to return to, and so I really can't complain. However, I am going to complain about the gross mismanagement at the university. How do you ever get to the point, in a publicly funded institution, when you have to lay off %25 of a department. These are peoples lives their fucking with, all those upper management idiots without forseight, who take 6 figure salaries and million dollar pesions. The majority of them got promoted based on years of service and nothing to do with their abilities. After being at the univerity for over a year now I'm learning a lot about their complete lack of business sense. You poor tax payers, blissfully paying taxes while other people are squandering your hard earned money.

Some holiday. Here's hoping the remaining week picks up a little.

Perseverance

2009-09-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

When I was 12 I saw this guy stick two fingers in his mouth and out came the loudest whistle I had ever heard. At the time, it was the coolest thing I had ever seen/heard and I was determined to learn how. For days I walked around in a state of frustration and determination with my fingers in my mouth, blowing and blowing, leaving a trail of saliva and an echo of an awful hissing sound. I remember my dad yelling in annoyance one night at the dinner table that he had enough and I should quit immediately. Quit? How could I quit? If I quit then I would be a quitter and that's out of the question. And besides, I had this idea that if I could master the loud whistle then I would be cool and maybe someday some little kid would be inspired by me, similar to how I was inspired by the whistling stranger.

I can still remember with exact clarity the sense of fulfillment when I heard the first resemblance of a whistle ripple over my water soaked wrinkled fingers. After that, the progression to a level of whistle mastery was quick. It was so strange to me how something that seemed impossible suddenly became simple. This lesson in perseverance was a valuable one to learn.

Whenever I watch footage on television of boxers training I am in awe of how they can dance with a skipping rope. I always had this dream of being able to do that someday. Nine months ago, as part of my new adventures in fitness, I decided that I was going to learn to dance with a skipping rope. Now, if you've ever seen me try to dance with my two left feet, you'd wonder why I'd be foolish enough to add a third obstacle. For some reason, in the fantasy world that's my reality, I was sure I was going to be a natural at it. Wrong!!

My first goal in developing jumping rhythm, strength, and stamina was to learn to do a double under. One jump, two rotations of the rope. On certain days, I hid in the yoga studio of my gym and desperately tried to do a double under. And with every failure and feeling of impossibility, I kept replaying that feeling of my first loud whistle, knowing that one day everything would click and I would complete a double under. Last Thursday I was successful. After waiting and wondering when the moment would occur, it finally happened. It was a joyous and very proud moment. It was another victory to add to the mental checklist of why I persevere.

Sammy vs. Nico

2009-09-25T08:52:00.001-07:00

Last night Nicole and I went to see Marie Chouinard's Orpheus and Eurydice. I wasn't impressed. Nicole loved it. I wasn't going to blog about it. Nicole said I had to. As a loyal friend, I reluctantly agreed.

This is the second draft of my review. The first was started as soon as I got home. At around 1:00 am, and hundreds of words later, I realized it was too long for a blog entry and went to bed. To summarize, I thought it was choppy and repetitive. There were brief elements of wonderful creativity and beauty but as a whole there wasn't enough original content to justify sitting in the uncomfortable seats of theatre Grand for over an hour.

If you're going to call the show Orpheus and Eurydice then I expect the story. There was no story. The dance highlighted Orpheus' quest to save Eurydice and unsuccessfully tried to connect it with the quest for finding one's voice. These two ideas carried the entire show and resulted in a final twenty minutes of complete boredom where everything that was presented before was repeated with exagerated intensity in an attempt to drive the choreographers disjointed message home.

Instead, the show should be titled "My name's Marie and I'm feeling uncreative today so I'll be lazy and throw something together. Oh, and maybe I'll reference a tiny part of a Greek Myth to feign story". Maybe that's a little harsh, but I'm out $57 for a show that was maybe worth $25. It was interesting to learn from the dancers at the post show Q & A that the Greek myth was only implanted after the show was first conceived. Confirmed my suspicions all along.

I always enjoy watching dance, the movement, the endurance, the commitment. This performance wasn't lacking in superb dance skill and striking body movement and so it wasn't a complete waste. I was just looking for a little more especially compared to other great shows I've seen and paid a lot less for. Now I'm going to email Nico and tell her to leave a comment for this blog entry with her review. But, personally, I would not believe a word she tells you. ;-)

To Whom It May Concern

2009-09-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

Dear lady that was driving with a cigarette in one hand and a cell phone in the other,

You're an idiot.

Love,
Samina

Random ponderings

2009-09-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

Things were amiss when I got up this morning. Yet, I managed to drag myself to the gym. After the usual warm up I jumped on the rowing machine and froze, completely unmotivated. But rather than engage in an internal speech of self motivation my mind wandered elsewhere. Here's what I thought about for 10 minutes.

1. Why doesn't God offer his services as an interior designer? After searching for months for a way to decorate my empty apartment I have noticed that nothing man made compares to the awe and comfort of nature's design. The perfect mixture of shades in a sunset, the subtle placement and striking color of a person's eyes, the seamless blend of trees, mountains, and rivers. Even the finest decorated homes can't compare.

2. This sweet woman in her nineties tells me often about the shows she watches on television. She lives alone and is recovering from knee replacement surgery. Maybe television isn't bad after all if it helps someone fill lonely space?

3. Tennis. I always think about tennis; technique, strategy, fitness, goals. There are some places I belong and others I don't, and I haven't quite figured out which is which. But when I am on the tennis court I'm never in doubt that I am in the right place.

4. Rogue was so playful this morning before I left. That's the best, when she gets all excited and does crazy somersaults while attacking her little stuffed bear. I wish her energy had rubbed off on me. Damn I love that munchkin.

5. Should I buy a house? Should I buy a couch? Should I buy a TV? Should I buy a couch and a TV before or after buying a house? Should I just exist in limbo for my remaining years?

Accepting reality, I left without breaking a sweat and started the work day. Guess it wasn't a good day for a work out.

Resolution check (part 2)

2009-09-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

At the start of 2009 I made a 20 lb weight loss resolution. By April I had successfully completed this goal. Good for me! Fresh off my weight loss high I was ambitious and created a mid year resolution to lose another 20 lbs. It is September and I hang my head in shame as I admit that the second goal failed miserably. It is the eating thing that's my biggest battle. Although I have continued to workout there was a span of a couple months in the summer that I ate very poorly. With the stress of work I just wasn't planning my meals properly and didn't have any energy (or time) to do any cooking. Excuses, excuses!

To get back on track with my mid year resolution I have entered a weight loss 'competition' with my personal trainer. In hindsight, it was probably not a good idea. We are talking about someone who is schooled in nutrition and, as I learned today, rows 6,000 km in 25 minutes. Have I lost my mind?!

Regardless of the outcome, it feels great to get on track again with my goals. Weight loss is hard and it sucks but with a little will power and perseverance I'm looking forward to the lighter me. Imagine the havoc I'll wreak on the tennis court without this extra weight in my way.

I Love September

2009-09-07T23:00:00.000-07:00

Can't say I'm disappointed to see this summer end. It has been mediocre at best because I've been working like crazy. Thankfully September's finally here, oh how I love September. Not only does it mark the beginning of theatre season but I have also started the countdown to the International Film Festival.

The film festival is by far my favorite Calgary event and it is not uncommon for me to see 20 films over its 10 day span. Didn't volunteer this year and I'm quite sure I am not going to be volunteering for CIFF again because the festival’s growing in size and there is too much bureaucracy now. I enjoyed volunteering in the early days when there were maybe 10 people running the show and everyone knew everyone. That's when it was purely about the art and love of filmmaking and less about scoring the most popular movies or lining up 'famous' names.

This year's theatre season is looking mighty fine and I'm kicking it off with Marie Chouinard's 'Orpheus and Eurydice'. The last time her dance company was in town was about four years ago.
I'm eager to see what beautiful weirdness she's got in store for us this time around.

Ah yes, September. The (far too brief) magic of changing leaves and a foreseeable completion of the idiotic work project that destroyed summer. Is it wrong to love a month so much?

My Brain

2009-09-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

I am so frustrated with my tennis game these days. It's like I am a complete beginner again and nothing is working. I have the footwork resembling someone with two left feet and I can't hit a proper top spin forehand on a good day. I quit!

Okay, breathe. That's crazy talk.

I am not quitting, but it is ridiculous loving something so much even though it makes me bonkers. I'm a slave to the silly game. That's why I fork out $2000 dollars a year so I can play on indoor courts in the winter at an overpriced gym. It is the reason why I get up every morning at 4:30 so I can work out and get in a few rounds with the ball machine before work. And it is responsible for turning my usually calm self into a swearing lunatic on the court when things aren't going right.

There is, of course, a perfectly good reason why my games sucking these day. My coach has decided that I am ready for the next step in advancing my level of play, it's called hitting early. Basically, if you watch professional tennis and compare it to the average joe/joelene on a tennis court, one of the biggest differences you'll see is contact point. Professionals can hit the ball a lot earlier and that's how they generate speed. And although it may sound simple I am learning it's extremely difficult to do.

In order to master 'hitting early' one must learn to trust their instinct. When you make contact out in front it is almost like hitting blind, you have to trust that your body's in the right place and just swing. Your brain is going to try and fool you into waiting, hitting when it's safe and after you've fully processed where the ball actually bounces.

It's a strange mind fuck, hitting the ball before you're brain has fully determined it's okay. And, although I feel like I have taken two steps back with respect to my skill level, it is amazing to discover that instinct trumps the almighty brain. I need to remember this the next time my brain commands my hands to reach for a chocolate bar even thought my gut is telling me NO.

Alright enough rambling, got to get to bed because I'm up again at a ridiculous hour tomorrow morning so I can practice 'hitting early'. I hate tennis. I love tennis! I'm so confused!

Lazy lovers. Lazy song writing!

2009-08-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

Heard this song on the radio called 'Lazy Lovers' and it was so irritating that I had to blog about it. Since when does repeating the same words over and over again for 2 minutes with varying loudness and strength deserve air play? Ewwww, everytime I even think about this song I shiver with the disturbing memory of hearing it and am scared about turning on the radio for fear of hearing it again.

To balance things out, check out this awesome song with a superb video!

Shittiest week ever

2009-08-21T09:33:00.001-07:00

Apologies to anyone who's had the misfortune of my company this week. I am not having the best week and apparently haven't been dealing very well because I'm taking it out on other people. Please understand that I am grumpy for these following reasons:

1. With this crazy work deadline approaching I've been working a lot and not getting much sleep and am therefore very irritable. Everyone at work's stressed and snappy with each other which just adds tension.

2. On Wednesday morning the ignorant janitor at my gym raved about Brass Pro shop, declared he does not believe in environmental conservation, and thinks that the extinction of animals is a complete fallacy. The massacre of 12 black bears in northern Alberta is still playing on my mind and so I lost it. That evening I had a good cry with rogue.

3. The ridiculous Cross Iron Mills mall opened this week and consumers all around me are jumping with joy. Again at my gym this morning the receptionist told me about her trip there last night. I'm through being polite and I told her exactly what I thought about it. She didn't understand. My coworker was justifying it as smart urban planning. He doesn't understand. I hate my generation.

The saddest thing is my week started out specular with family visiting from sri lanka. We had such a blast on monday and tuesday, laughing late into the night. It's just the past three days that turned this week bad. Tonight I'm hanging out with sympathetic friends around a fire pit so here's hoping the weekend brightens up.

I'm a pirate, arg!

2009-08-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

I refuse to pay money for cable seeing as my 20" crt television gets turned on a couple times a month if it's lucky. I do however appreciate a good show when I happen to stumble upon one. To me it's like any art form, there is the interesting stuff that's obviously generated from talent, ingenuity and hard work, and then there is that other cookie cutter wanna-be bullshit. Without cable, I can only watch shows by downloading them using the internet. Yes, piracy is illegal. But, like other laws, that are meant more to coordinate society or benefit capitalist crooks, I'm not entirely convinced that downloading for personal viewing is wrong. I'm not entirely convinced it's right either.

What I am convinced of is Canadians spend entirely too much time watching and talking about TV shows and not nearly enough time volunteering, getting exercise, learning, talking to their children, or bettering themselves. That's my OPINION and I refuse to throw good money after bad by investing in cable.

While this deviant ponders the rights and wrongs of downloading I highly recommend checking out 30 Rock. It's a fantastic show that I have recently become addicted to.

Meeting interesting people

2009-08-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

I recently had the pleasure of meeting Bob and Tucker Mertens. You've probably never heard of them before because they haven't graced the cover of some tabloid magazine or been on a reality TV show, however they are a couple of really interesting people. Bob, and his son Tucker, are biking across Canada to raise money for Amnesty International and bring awareness to the atrocities that Amnesty works hard to fight. The trip didn't start out with such noble intentions. Bob, an avid traveler and biker, has been thinking about biking across Canada for years now. It was his 15 year old son Tucker that suggested making the trip a fundraiser. Pretty spectacular considering most teenagers are so engrossed in TV, text messaging and their social calendar, they are completely unaware or disinterested in global affairs. It was a very enjoyable evening, hanging out on a friend's deck on a warm evening, eating great food, and getting to hear about their trip. Check out their blog, http://www.tuckersbike.blogspot.com.

At one point in the evening we got on the subject of the ratio of men to women adventure travelers. Unfortunately men trump women, which is disappointing to this female blogger. Can't say I'm an adventurer per se but I do have ideas/dreams. Most involve sailing. Hmmm....maybe it my gender, not my laziness and procrastination that's been holding be back all these years. Phew! Kidding aside, Nicole and I are squashing societal enforced gender roles and planning a bike trip across eastern Canada. Right Niko?! :-)

Fearless

2009-07-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamed that I was lying on the edge of a runway and as the planes took off and landed, grazing my nose, I just smiled, fearless. It got me thinking about all the things that I would do if I was fearless. There are many.

These days, with job cuts looming at the university everybody is fearful of being unemployed. I'm one of them, even though I hate my job. I have always hated my job and yet I'm scared of losing it. This weekend I spent three hours trying to figure out why image control events weren't firing correctly and another two hours learning about data binding and value converters. And if none of that makes sense to you then you're a very lucky person. The fact that I was working on a weekend is ridiculous enough, add to it that I am building a software application to streamline someone's business process so they can make more money, and I have realized that it's completely fucking pointless.

I actually like computers. Last week I spent hours helping two friends solve computer issues and every second was enjoyable. What I dislike is sitting in a cubicle seven hours everyday answering to some asshole control freak who thinks his life actually means something because he has 'manager' written on his business card. I hate selling my soul to the corporate master because nothing I do for them means anything in the long run and adds no real value to my life. If I was fearless I would tell them exactly what was on my mind, right before quitting.

Your garbage, their misfortune

2009-07-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

Click here to watch the PBS documentary on electronic waste

This video is difficult to watch but I highly recommend sitting through it. I saw it a couple weeks back and I can't stop thinking about it. It's horrible how we in the developed world treat others like they are disposable, only here to cater to our needs. Even worse, it seems that everyone has resigned to the idea that it's somebody else's problem. I am now even more bothered by stories I hear from the people in my life about new computers, cell phones, mp3 players, tv's, etc.... that are being purchased out of sheer want, not necessity.

On a slightly different note, I was driving back from Edmonton last weekend and was appalled by the number of RV's on the road. Seriously people just stay home if you can't live without certain luxuries. How does polluting the environment to get in touch with nature make any sense at all. Complete ignorance and greed.

Sometimes I really don't like being here.

Soaking drunk and wearing pink

2009-07-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

Riddle me this. What would possess a confirmed tomboy to run around in a pink cowboy hat? And convince a raging tree hugger and animal lover to participate in a stampede event? And keep a heat seeking East Indian standing outside in the cold and rain for 4 hours after first being pelted by hale? And push a retired party animal to get rip roaring drunk?

Answer: Music

Annually, the gang and I participate in the Stampede Roundup concert at Fort Calgary. It's my favorite (and only) stampede event because the proceeds go towards charity and they never book country music artists. This year's line up was Loverboy, Our Lady Peace and The Steve Miller Band. Nothing compared to Billy Idol and Joan Jett who played last year (that was spectacular!), but still pretty decent and worth the hangover. It was nice getting out because I've been a little antisocial lately and feeling neglectful of my friends. Seems they still love me and we had an amazing time. Rest assured, the cowboy hat's been stored away safely and won't make another appearance until next year.

Embracing my loser side

2009-07-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

I played in my very first tennis tournament today. I lost the first game I ever played in a tennis tournament today. The first tennis tournament I ever played in ended for me today.

In an obvious attempt to fix my wounded pride here are my reasons for losing. I was playing in a higher 4.0 level and I have a 3.0 ranking. My opponent has 20 more years of playing experience. My racquet needed restringing. It was too hot. It was too windy. The stars were misaligned. I was not wearing my lucky underwear. Should I continue? I'm reading a book about the mental aspects of the game which says you should learn to embrace and learn from your loss. That's so difficult in a game where you're playing by yourself because every mistake belongs to you. There is nobody else to share the loss with.

Enough pity though because two important things came out of today. My own personal victory was that I didn't defeat myself, I was simply outplayed by a more experienced play. I was worried about being too nervous and making too many unforced errors but I managed to focus on the game and settle my brain. Secondly, competing lit a fire under me and my passion for tennis has reached a higher level. I'm excited about seeing just how far I can go. My dreaded first tournament is finally in the past and I can only advance from here. However, it is still going to be a couple days until my pride heals and I'm not feeling like a complete loser.

(update: Just learned the woman that I lost to ended up placing first overall. Somehow that makes me feel a little less loser-like.)

Fore!

2009-06-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

I got up today and desperately wanted to go golfing. Unfortunately, I couldn't go golfing because I quit three years ago as a protest against the negative environmental impact golf courses have. Yet, I was so close to picking up the phone and finding a tee time somewhere.

I miss those days, when I would get up on a lazy weekend morning and spontaneously go golfing. Remembering that sweet ping when you connect perfectly with the ball under the warmth of the hot sun. Or how about that accurately placed approach shot which leaves the ball close enough for an eagle putt. And sometimes it was just about the small victories like a chip from the bunker that doesn't have you covered with sand. I entertained the idea for quite some time, thinking 'just one game, how could that hurt' and spent a couple hours searching on the internet for some study or article detailing how golf courses are perfectly harmless.

It's disappointing that I am willing sacrifice my beliefs for personal gain. It's even more disappointing that I can't automatically stick to my value system, that first an internal struggle against temptation must take place. And most disappointing of all, is that I, a person that's as self righteous as anybody else, has often times been weak and forgone my convictions. Today was victorious and I stayed home; my character of tomorrow is still questionable.

Choices

2009-06-23T14:57:00.000-07:00

So I'm happily living from day to day, minding my own business and settled into a comfortable daily routine while agonizing over the meaning of life and questioning society, la dee da. Then suddenly, I am presented with an option, a life changing option and everything gets all confusing. Being, quite possibly, the worst decision maker on the planet, I can't say that options are a good thing for me.

Years ago I submitted a resume to a recruiting company that specializes in overseas jobs. Recently they contacted me about an opportunity in Bermuda. After finally resigning to settling in Calgary and showing my commitment by hanging things on the walls of my condo, this opportunity was unwelcomed. It got me questioning the things that troubled me in the past, resurrecting thoughts about staying in Calgary and if should be more career focused.

Instead of my usual approach of delaying things and letting indecision play itself out, I made a pros and cons list.

Pros
1. Escaping winter's misery and a city I don't really care for
2. Basking in the Bermudan sun, wearing flip flops 24/7, and playing tennis outdoors all year around

Cons
1. Hassles of moving and disrupting Rogue's environment
2. Leaving friends and family, especially my two gorgeous nephews.

Hmmmm, two for two. Then I received this picture of my nephews and my decision was made.

I realize that I don't often mention the 2 most important people I know, my nephews, Zaman and Jibraan. Simply put, with them anything about everything makes sense, and my insignificant worries don't matter anymore. I won't get that in Bermuda or anywhere else.

My 'first' massage

2009-06-15T19:47:00.000-07:00

"Book a massage" was never something you would have ever seen on any of my to-do lists. Although many swear by the wonders of having a stranger rub their hands all over you, it hasn't been something that ever appealed to me. In fact, the thought was so horrid that I had accepted and adapted to the random back spasms, tingling fingers, sharp arm pains, and knotted shoulders. However, after some recent negotiations at the gym with Shannon, my very persuasive trainer, I gave in and booked an appointment.

I couldn't pin point the exact reasons for my hesitation but as I walked into the massage therapist's office I was certain the experience would scar me for life. Laurie, the therapist, greeted me with a warm smile and seemed nice enough, yet I was still positive there was evil lurking behind her quiet and calm demeanor. After completing the standard questionnaire, pointing out my trouble spots, and unsuccessfully stalling with banter about it being my first massage, I had no choice but to strip off my clothes and lie vulnerable on the massage table. Things started out normal enough, a little oil, a little rubbing, nothing out of the ordinary and so I started to relax. Once the conversation turned to travel and environmentalism I was actually quite happily enjoying myself.

In the last moments, as I was lying on my back and almost falling asleep from the head rub, we started talking about East Indian culture and Ayurvedic message. And then suddenly a forgotten memory flashed through my mind and I realized this wasn't my first massage. It was so clear, the details of traveling in Sri Lanka and being taken to an Ayurvedic centre. Well, not really a centre, more like a hut where the treatment rooms were dark and damp. I remembered lying on a cold hard wooden table and some untrained local woman fiercely rubbed oil on me. It wasn't relaxing, it wasn't therapeutic, and it explained my deep rooted obstinance in booking this appointment. I revealed my sudden recollection to Laurie and we both had a good laugh. As I booked two more appointments I thanked her for a terrific session and for restoring my faith in massage therapy.

Mixed tapes

2009-06-01T01:45:00.000-07:00

I have always had an extreme obsession with music. It is amazing how a good song can enhance a joyous occasion or take the edge off a painful one. I remember getting my first Walkman when I was 10 years old. The idea that I could take my favorite songs anywhere I went was so special to me. Unlike the compact portable music players we see nowadays, the original portable cassette players were the size of a 300 page paperback novel so it was akward lugging it everywhere clipped to my pants. But I didn't care that everyone mocked me for having this monstrosity permanently attached to me, I had music and I was happy.

Getting my first Walkman also fueled my passion for creating mixed tapes. It was an art form, putting together the right sequence of songs to accurately convey thoughts and feelings. All my tapes tell the story of my teenage years and this weekend, during a much needed house cleaning, I was forced with the difficult decision of whether or not to continue storing them. These tapes don't get played anymore, I don't even have a tape player, but they carry with them a lot of memories of my youth. I'm not sure what the rules are on storing items filled with valuable memories. But because space is limited, it's unreasonable for me to hoard the precious reminders of what's now history. So with a heavy heart, and, I'm embarrassed to admit, a few tears, I discarded my mixed tapes and said goodbye to yet another reminder that I existed before now.

What's luck got to do with it?

2009-05-28T14:49:00.000-07:00

After many late nights, I arrived at work yesterday morning in desperate need of a caffeine fix. Much to my dismay I realized I had forgotten my thermos. Getting a coffee in a disposable cup is not a valid option for me anymore and so I decided to struggle through the work day. Around 1:00 pm, after multiple occasions of closing my heavy eyes and doing the head bob while programming, having a coffee was unavoidable. So, I ventured down to the bookstore to buy a travel mug. Unhappy about having to spend $14 when there was a perfectly good thermos waiting at home, I moped all the way to the cash register. When the cashier scanned my mug we were shocked when the till showed $7. He speculated it was on sale although there weren't any signs, and completed the transaction. Score!! Now, most would summarize that it's just a little luck and wonder why I'm relating such a boring story. Luck, shmuck! Personally, I believe the universe was passing along a 'thank you Samina for doing the right thing' message and I can't help but smile every time I see my beautiful new coffee mug and a garbage can that's not lined with disposable cups.

In my humble opinion

2009-05-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

During a lunch time debate, my ‘opponents’ tried to convince me that capitalism is congruent with human nature. Since the waitress arrived before the argument could continue and I couldn't get my opinion in, I'm getting some things off my chest.

Their pro-capitalist argument was based on the assumption that human nature is inherently greedy and competitive. An opinion shared by a lot of people as I'm discovering. Whether greed motivates or is a consequence of the system, it is not fair making such a generalization. It we are greedy by nature then how do we explain selflessness, altruism, and social cooperation, which can be observed throughout the world and read about in history books? There are people who thrive in a capitalist state without being corrupted by it and have defined themselves by other more desirable human qualities.

Capitalism is nothing more than another man made system that a certain subset has chosen to implement and follow. Class divided societies and private property have really only existed for 10,000 years. Were early homo sapiens completely misguided and ignoring their natural instinct by functioning as nomadic hunter gatherers for million of years? Even today there are small communities around the world that thrive on the concept of labor exchange and communal agriculture.

It's important not to mix environmentally influenced behavior with human nature. The fact is, our nature gives us the ability to be adaptable and makes choices. The socio economic systems set in place throughout the world are ever evolving theories based on the needs of current societies. Taking full advantage of a system that measures success by gains of wealth and material possessions and then allowing that system to alter your moral fiber is a matter of choice. However, it’s ridiculous to blame human nature for all the negative consequences associated with such a decision.

Fuckity Fuck Fuck

2009-05-13T14:00:00.000-07:00

I enjoy a good swear as much as any foul mouthed bastard. I particularly enjoy the word 'fuck' because, when used in context, it carries a lot of weight. It can be an effective way of expressing anger and generating sympathy during moments of frustration, it helps convey great satisfaction in how wonderful something turned out, or, with the right sexual partner, well, I'll censor myself here and just say it can be a fun tool for seduction. But, when spoken inappropriately, it loses all effectiveness and makes one seem vulgar. As an insult in a heated argument it's simply childish and it sounds crass when it accents the punchline of a joke. Unfortunately, comedian Lewis Black didn't understand the latter during his performance last night and I wasn't impressed.

As an American, Mr. Black started out his act commenting on Canada's gloomy weather. After generating some giggles by mentioning how gray the weather was he proceeded to shout "fuck fuckity gray fuck gray" multiple times. The audience laughed hysterically. I did not. Is that seriously considered funny? How does profanely repeating the same point over and over again pass for humor? 'Fuck this', 'Fuck that' continued the entire show and although his act had elements of intelligent and amusing social/political observations, its impact was lost in the excessive use of profanity.

During the standing ovation he undeservedly received, I felt all alone and unjustified in my disapproval. As we departed I decided not to express my opinion and avoid possibly ruining the experience for my friends, who convinced me he was worth seeing. But inside I lamented over the $50 that was wasted on the ticket. It was with pleasant surprise that I listened to their reviews and learned that they felt the same. Immediately, I was comforted by the discussion of critical analysis that followed our expressed disappointment. In hindsight, $50 doesn't seem like such a big price to pay to realize that I am surrounded by fucking great friends.

Taking chances

2009-04-30T23:00:00.000-07:00

When I started playing soccer about nine years ago I was asked to play for a team called the Sabres in a tournament in Las Vegas. I had never heard of the team before and didn't know any of its members. It was a difficult choice deciding whether or not I should go, and my imagination created various scenarios about the trip and what these strangers may think of me. A self induced loner at the time, I stepped outside my comfort zone and went with them. This decision set in place the creation of numerous friendships.

You've got to recognize there is something special about people who could take a shy introvert, that spent the tournament weekend alone at the poolside bar reading Siddhartha, and eventually turn her into a socially crazed party machine. Over the years these women have become great constants in an ever changing world. And although I see them much too infrequently, when our paths do cross it's always with warm smiles and tight hugs.

Tonight we gathered in support of one of these friends whose band was performing. Given my hectic lifestyle recently, a relaxing evening with friends and music was exactly what I needed. How comforting to be asked the standard 'how are you' and it is not just a polite formality. That I can respond with the long boring details of current events and they are heard with genuine interest.

Yes, nine years ago I agonized over a decision. And tonight I was reminded of the wonderful consequences of pushing one's limits and overcoming trepidation.

Climb and consume

2009-04-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I volunteered at the Alberta Wilderness Association's Climb For Wilderness. It's an event I've helped out at for 5 years now because I really like the AWA's causes and accomplishments. The climb is a fundraiser where participants get sponsors and walk/run up the 800 stairs of the Calgary Tower as many times as possible. I particularly like volunteering for it because I coordinate the events in the observation deck, which means I basically walk around and look at the beautiful view for seven hours while ordering everyone else around :-).

Unfortunately, this year's event started out on a sour note for me because I suddenly became aware of an underlying hypocrisy surrounding the climb. I thought about the discarded Tim Hortons cups, hundreds of plastic water bottles that would accumulate, wasted water from half finished bottles that are left aside and forgotten about, decorations that nobody notices, and just the general excessive energy and material wastage that comes from hosting large gatherings. Everyone was there to support a good cause but didn't realize their consumption contributed to the demand that corporations use to justify nature's destruction.

Before I entered the state of anger and gloom that often accompanies such thoughts, three uplifting stories of human interaction unfolded in front of me. There was a teenage son proudly cheering and hugging his mother who just finished her climb. It was sweet to watch him insist on taking her picture although she shyly objected, embarrassed by her 'messy' hair. I also enjoyed seeing a mother and her two year old daughter climbing while the daughter clutched her favorite stuffed bunny by its ears. Finally, I eavesdropped on a cell phone conversation between boyfriend and girlfriend and smiled as I listened to him express how amazing it was to complete such a difficult task and be greeted by gorgeous views of the city and mountains. It's awesome the extent to which humans can show tenderness. I only wish they adhered to it outside the boundaries of convenience. Why can't our capacity for caring extend to the point of making sacrifices for an amazingly beautiful planet that's suffering?

The naked truth

2009-04-19T07:47:00.000-07:00

A male coworker and I had each other in stitches the other day chatting about the people who walk around naked in fitness facility locker rooms. What was really amusing was that the conversation eventually turned into a not so serious analysis of whether it was better to be faced with a dangling penis or dangling boobs when forced into a conversation with these naked individuals. We did favour one over the other but concluded that a true informed opinion wasn't possible until we had experienced both. Looks like I'll be spending a couple afternoons in the men's locker room next week.

Given my modest East Indian background and obvious body image issues, I don't understand the walking around naked thing. I respect and admire it, but I don't understand it. I'm in total support of nakedness of any body type, after all that's the most beautiful and natural way. However, there is a barrier in my brain that refuses to allow me the freedom of stripping off my clothes and exposing my naked self (where it is socially acceptable) to strangers. So go forth and be free you wonderful naked people and perhaps when I am very old and lost enough brain function, that I am not restricted by my own thoughts, I can walk freely with you in naked land, dangling boobs and all.

Me and my ball machine

2009-04-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

I've been approached with skepticism about whether or not I'm on the court as often as I say. Hence, it has become necessary to publicly assure everyone that I am not dating anyone and 'playing tennis' is not a lie to cover up some secret romance. As unrealistic as it seems, I just love the game that much. Plus, all this time I am dedicating to practice is certainly paying off. Just recently, I advanced to a new level of play and, although there are a lot of mishits, it's an amazing feeling when you perfectly connect with a 70 mph ball and it effortlessly rolls off your racquet and glides over the net landing just before the base line with the same ferocity with which it arrived. That's why I play 25/7.

So, sorry folks, the only significant other in my life right now is a ball machine. Actually, it's an ideal companion because it is dependable, adjusts for just the right setting depending on my needs/mood, is working with me to achieve something great, and doesn't get jealous if I play with others. Now if only I could get it to accompany me to the theatre.

For example

2009-04-11T19:25:00.000-07:00

In support of my previous post I am going to review the last two theatre performances I attended. First there was the Old Trout's play The Erotic Anguish of Don Juan. Since learning that the Trouts, a locally based puppet theatre company, were coming out with another play, I waited in eager anticipation. Having seen, and thoroughly enjoyed, their past four performances, I was positive that they wouldn't disappoint. I was wrong. In the past couple of years the company has gained national recognition and success. Apparently, increased fame and having their puppets appear in the latest Feist video gives them the right to triple ticket prices, use larger and less effective venues to make more money, and slack off when it comes to providing the same depth of story writing they have provided in the past.

The other show I saw recently was Martin Sexton performing at the University Theatre. I'm not really a fan of his recorded stuff but as a live performer he's amazing. The sounds he's capable of producing with a guitar are extraordinary, and even though it's only him on stage, at times it seems there are multiple instruments being played simultaneously. His vocal range is remarkable and my favorite part of the concert was when he had the entire audience quietly singing 'hallelujah' over and over again as he worked his magic. And although he's super popular and widely admired he's still able to put on an amazing show for a mere $30 using one of the smaller and more intimate theatres Calgary has to offer.

Little known artists

2009-04-07T02:00:00.000-07:00

I love that, because of the people in my life, I sometimes find myself doing things that I otherwise wouldn't. Like sipping Chamomile tea at the Unity Church one evening while watching basement musicians perform a home grown cabaret for a private audience of ten. Or escaping to a fantasy world through the talent and wonderful imagination of a high school set design crew at a performance of Alice Through the Looking Glass. It is risky business venturing down unbeaten paths and sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the hype and extravagance of large scale productions. But whether the performance is enjoyable or not, there is certainly a lot to be gained from watching shows where the art and love of performing hasn't been tainted by the pursuit of wealth and fame.

Knowing Samina (part 3)

2009-03-31T05:00:00.002-07:00

I am a coward.

Although it would be ideal to exclusively convey happy tales or exagerate my positive attributes, that isn't the purpose here. Assuming true enlightement is a product of conquering one's ego then I must be willing to admit my shortcomings.

The exact details surrounding this recent discovery are still vague, and my path to recovery even vaguer. However, it seems that somewhere along the way I've decided my foolish pride, fragile heart, and stubborn mind must be protected regardless of my desires. The price of this ridiculous decision is suffering the agony of never knowing what could be.

So the question remains, with all my ability to imagine great and glorious tales, how do I make them a reality when the courage that's required to conquer one's flaws is the one thing that a coward lacks.

Strange sightings at a Telus Mobility store

2009-03-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

Finally, after five years of being dropped in toilets, chewed on by Rogue, and thrown on the floor after angry conversations, my cell phone quit for good today. I was pretty pissed off because it meant rescheduling my evening activities and heading to the dreaded mall. The Telus store was busy and I anticipated a long boring wait for customer service. Luckily, instead of having to amuse myself with daydreams of far away places, I happened onto a few quirky individuals who made the wait a lot less painful.

First there was an elderly man with a strong Jamaican accent who loudly bragged about his personal millions, that money was no object, and of owning a 10 bedroom house on the beach where he's from. After commending the sales lady on offering, in his opinion, the three keys for good customer service, wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, and telling her he was going to recommend her to his rich friends, he quietly whispered to her asking if there were any free phones and if he could get a discount on the extended warranty.

Outside the store was a lady talking to a security guard and yelling about how she had been cheated and threatening to sue. After speaking with the sales representative I learned the irate customer had been there for three hours. It seems she bought a cell phone in February and since it was currently reduced by $50 she thought they had purposely ripped her off and demanded her money back. After settling down for a few minutes she then entered into a very high pitched and inconsolable crying fit.

For added amusement, throw in the girly store employee who, in the middle of completing a transaction with a customer, couldn't help but repeatedly pick up a pair of scissors and trim the split ends on her long black hair. So thank you my dear cell phone for your wonderful years of dedicated service and going out in style by bringing a little social amusement my way.

And also, on a day of very strange character behaviour, I must also give dishonorable mention to the idiot at my gym who has stolen the brand new tennis balls. You'll fork out a couple hundred bucks a month for a gym membership but your honor's only worth the price of a few balls, what a class act.

Just another day

2009-03-27T04:14:00.000-07:00

My birthday came and went and it wasn't nearly as dramatic as anticipated. Fortunately work blessed me with a very tight deadline and so the late nights programming and stress induced ulcer distracted me.

The actual day turned out to be quite pleasant. Following a successful project presentation and a kick ass tennis game, I played for hours with my super fun nephews and finished the day with happy hour sushi and interesting philisophical discussions. Plus, because of a little thing called facebook, I was feeling the love with all my birhtday greeting wall posts!

Oh Oscar, you're so wild(e)

2009-03-13T13:42:00.001-07:00

Although I've seen Oscar Wilde's play 'An Ideal Husband' twice already in other cities and venues, I couldn't resist going again when I saw that Theatre Calgary was performing it. The witty dialogue and insights into society's quirks was every bit as brilliant as I remember. Also, because it is set in late 19th century England, the set and costume design, when done well, can be quite stimulating.

I was a little nervous going to the play last night because I had convinced a couple friends to pay $50 per person and come along based on my recommendation alone and so my reputation was at stake. However, I forgot about them when the play started and I got swept away into the English Victorian era.

I was happy to return to the modern age during intermission and learn my companions were also thoroughly enjoying themselves. So here's to another terrific evening out, despite fighting a cold, as I got to see a wonderful play and left with reputation unharmed.

Helping out

2009-03-04T12:11:00.000-08:00

Today was my first shift volunteering at the Children's Cottage Society's Crisis Nursery. My duties were simple, three hours of playing with kids, fun! The nursery is a pretty remarkable place, it's a safe place for children to get away from the troubles of the real world and just be kids.

I arrived for my shift during breakfast time and things were a bit chaotic. A few of the kids were a little intimidated by me and we all joked about the scary new person. One girl (can't mention any names here) in particular didn't seem to like my presence and spent the remainder of her breakfast in tears.

After breakfast we headed up to the playroom and I had my first 'wow, I'm so happy I'm doing this' experience. While coloring with one of the older girls she leaned over and whispered 'I'm not scared of you'. It was really sweet.

After playing, playing and more playing, it was lunch time. While the kids were still eating I had to leave and so I said goodbye to everyone. To my surprise, the girl who cried at my arrival now cried because I was leaving and waved her little fingers not to go. Guess we formed a bond during play time while building the large castle out of blocks.

Resolution check (part 1)

2009-03-01T20:47:00.000-08:00

With resolutions dropping left right and centre let's review the progress of a couple goals that I set this year. Number one, blog more. That's going really well, relatively. A couple times every month is far better than the quarterly entries of previous years.

The second goal was to start working out again and lose some weight. That's also going great if you don't count the past seven days. Was struck with a flu last week and when I actually managed to get to the gym the workouts were serioulsy lacking in enthusiasm. Plus, after trying all kinds of flu remedies it seemed the only thing that could relieve the headaches, cough, and inflamed sinuses, was comfort food, a lot of it. It didn't help that I attended a baby shower on Saturday with a selection of the best homemade East Indian food ever made!

So, erase last week and I'd say I'm doing very well with the resolutions so far. Now, is it too late to add another resolution for 2009? With March here and my birthday only 25 days away, I resolve not to be a complete and utter wreck when the dreaded day finally arrives. Thirty-effin-five years old. Total crap!

Rejected

2009-02-24T07:20:00.000-08:00

This morning I was sent home from the gym for being too sick. I was quite disappointed because I was looking forward to a little tennis and some weights. But it is not like I was forced or anything, so perhaps subconsciously I knew they were right.

It's pretty funny actually, above family and friends, it is the folks at my gym who are concerned about my well being. It was really sweet but definitely a sign that I am spending too much time there. That's probably not such a bad thing, of all possible regular hang outs like brothels, bars, or online chat rooms, a den of fitness isn't such a terrible choice.

Now, if only there was someone telling me right now that I shouldn't go to the office today, I am positive my subconscious would agree.

Divine Brown

2009-02-02T23:30:00.000-08:00

Just got home from the Divine Brown concert at theatre junction and I can't settle down. What a natural high! She of course was brilliant with that beautiful voice. Wow, what a voice. But on top of raw vocal talent she turned out to be a great entertainer with engaging dialogue and fantastic supporting musicians and dancers.

My appreciation of Ms. Brown originated from one song, which played on the radio last summer. This song automatically captured my attention and I remember dancing in my car. Even now, although I have listened to it repeatedly, it still makes me happy.

What a rush, hearing a song you adore performed live, performed well, and performed in an intimate environment. I had really high expectations when I bought tickets for this show and I am not in the least bit disappointed.

I love cartoons

2009-01-29T11:27:00.000-08:00

This morning I was watching the Backyardigans for a little light entertainment to get me through my morning work out. If you've never seen the Backyardigans then you're missing out. It is a cartoon about some neighborhood kids whose play time consists of glorious adventures created from their imagination.

Today they embarked on a mission to catch the gilded golden butterfly. Travelling through far away lands and overcoming every obstacle they finally trap the butterfly in a jar. Seconds later they release the beautiful creature and declare that butterflies weren't meant to be trapped inside jars.

The message is obvious, no creature is meant to be owned or mistreated. Similar lessons can be found in a lot of children's shows. I just wish the adults, the preachers and teachers, would start adhering to the same values they instill in our children.

Knowing Samina (part 2)

2009-01-04T08:10:00.000-08:00

Favorite Quotations:

Really anything Einstein but my favorites are:

- "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

- "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

- "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

- "God is subtle but he is not malicious."

-"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."

-------------------------

One of my favorites:
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”
- Jack Kerouac

"Personality is a mask you believe in."

WHAT? Another year's starting already?!

2009-01-01T11:09:00.001-08:00

Goodbye 2008 and hello 2009. Another year's over and once again I'm evaluating too much, and as usual, my yearly evaluation tends towards the negative. I'm thinking about the following,

1. I haven't updated this blog more often even though I keep thinking I should
2. My piano playing is as sucky as the previous year
3. I am still living out of boxes and haven't hung anything on my walls
4. I really miss travelling and can't believe it's been 7 months since returning to calgary

Stop. New year's resolution, let us focus on the positive stuff.

1. Nephews, Newphews, Nephews. Just knowing these beautiful dudes makes everything else insignificant
2. I'm kicking some serious ass on the tennis court. My games showing some significant improvements and I am really excited about where it is heading.
3. Damo and Nicole threw the best new year's eve party ever and it was a terrific way to bring in another year

Have a wonderful year everyone!

Knowing Samina (part 1)

2008-11-10T08:30:00.000-08:00

For me everything is centered around the search for meaning and connection. Above everything else, that opening sentence defines me the most. What consumes me is going beyond the standard of what's deemed acceptable. If I ever believe I've reached the limit of passion, desire, and understanding then what purpose is there?

There is no challenge in accepting the status quo. Imagine the rush that could be achieved by connecting with someone or something at a deeper level than you thought possible. Or how about the immense sense of accomplishment that comes with understanding your purpose and existence beyond anything imaginable.

Sound like fluff? That's who I am and I dare you to ask me about it someday.

Peanut

2008-06-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a peanut fell asleep lying on my chest with his head nestled close to my heart. It's the cutest peanut I've ever seen, with soft, wrinkly skin, innocent eyes, and a half smile that is unbearably adorable. And at 6.4 lbs and 19.1 inches it's probably the biggest peanut ever.

My second nephew was born Wednesday, June 12th at 1:22 am and quickly adopted the nickname 'peanut' for simply how teeny tiny he his. I'm not allowed to reveal his name because the naming ceremony happens on the seventh day, so 'peanut' it is. I was fortunate enough to witness peanut's birth as I was allowed in the delivery room again. A natural birth this time, yup, no epideral, so it was certainly something to witness. I've never heard screaming that loud before. The coolest thing was when the nurse brought the placenta over and showed us the umbilical cord and uterus attachments and also the inside of the amniotic sack. The human body's remarkable!

With Zaman approaching 2 years, we've all forgotten what it's like having a newborn around the house. I needed that reminder, to put things into perspective again. To remember that life's precious and is a gift not to be taken for granted. Wow, 2 nephews for me to adore and spoil, I'm so lucky!

Post ceremony update: Peanut = Jibraan

Moi

2008-03-07T15:04:00.000-08:00

It's time for another far to infrequent blog entry and an attempt to summarize the past five months. Actually this time it's pretty easy because I ventured from the beaten path and went travelling the world. Everything is documented in a travel blog, thegoodsammy.blogspot.com, so looks like I am finished here. :-)

My first pet

2007-10-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

So I'm walking through Hyde park blissfully taking in the warm weather, doing some people watching, and just chillin' when I observed a lady walking her adorable puppy and suddenly I started to cry. Took a few seconds of inner reflection to figure out that I miss Rogue terribly.

It really is surprising to me how much I have become attached to and care for that little fur ball. I regretfully admit when she first arrived on my doorstep I was a little indifferent to her. Never really planning on sharing my space with another animal, I only took her in because her alternate fate was unfathomable. However, Rogue was relentless in her determination to win my affection. Slowly and subtley she acheived the impossible and captured my heart.

Often, as I see other pets being walked, I recall her keeping me company during the many all nighters I pulled for work prior to leaving on my journey. Snuggled into the sweater that I had thrown onto the floor, she wouldn't move until dawn and I headed off to bed. Total unconditional love. I am comforted in knowing that she is staying with a couple friends who'll give her every bit of attention she deserves yet I am still dragging around this horrible empty feeling. Damn you Rogue, aka pumpkin pie, booballoo, miss universe, teddy bear, bubba, kittlen, paddywhack, cuddly smurf, damn you!!

A sad realization

2007-09-07T10:37:00.000-07:00

It's going to destroy me when I finally accept I can't have what I've been wishing for all along. You can't ever know anyone, these foolish creatures of convenience, they never hold true to their words. Their unwarranted fear of being alone rules them. They don't care who they hurt and they would hurt the world if it meant they didn't have to face their own demons. So I'm left wanting so much and not a soul in the world to share it all with.

(Just realized this may be the first non light hearted entry. It's sammy after all, I should get credit for holding out this long, right?)

Listening is not understanding.

2007-08-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

Today I'm mad. And now I'll rant.

I have often been accused of being too private, not sharing my thoughts and feelings with those closest to me. It's true. So, I honestly believe I've made a concerted effort to expose my inner self. However, I'm a little disappointed by those around me who haven't made a decent effort to understand. Sure, you'll listen, but listening doesn't always equate to understanding.

What irritates me the most is that look, that idiotic look of disbelief that screams 'I'm too stupid to understand what you're telling me and so I'll look at you like you're not telling me the truth or am not being truthful to yourself'. If you don't get it then ask more questions, but don't insult me or condescend to me because you're too structured to think beyond anything you believe to be acceptable.

So I've decided, if you expect openness you must first prove your capability of being open minded.

Me, a Buddhist? No way!

2007-08-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

Until now I have hapily agreed when asked if I was a Buddhist, for no other reason than avoiding long and pointless discussions trying to explain a belief system that's not grounded in anything society has defined. Yes, a few of my beliefs share similarities with Buddhism so the misperception isn't unwarranted. However, the label has become offensive now because I've realized that the Buddhism everyone is referring to has no grounding in the true nature of the faith. Instead it is defined by a bunch of yuppies who drive expensive cars, own excessive forms of shelter and believe they are Buddhist because they discuss 'spirituality' and their yoga/meditation classes over $10 cappucinos. So, by any original or modified definition of the faith, I AM NOT A BUDDHIST!

Wilderness

2007-08-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

If you have a chance, read the Alberta Wilderness Association's August publication of their Wildland Advocate magazine. It's free and they published my short letter to the editor detailing my spectacular canoe trip through Lakeland provincial park. Of course nothing's ever perfect in a society that disregards nature and so it includes a little observation about speed boats and their negative impact on the environment. Regardless of whether the topic interests you or not, you should still check it out because it's my first published writing and I'm proud.

Update: The article can be found on the association's web site, http://issues.albertawilderness.ca/LL/Archive/200706_AR_lakeland.pdf

I rhyme good

2007-07-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

Now that I am fairly certain that nobody's reading this anymore I'm opening myself up by telling the world that I've posted some poetry online which can be found here, http://thesamina.blogspot.com/.

Suburbia

2007-07-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

I've been working from home the past few months and it wasn't until the distasteful experience of going downtown on the c-train did I realize that suburban life suits me. Obviously working in my pajamas and flexible hours are huge factors contributing to my satisfaction. However, the cheerful housewives at my gym in the afternoon and stress free weekday afternoon grocery shopping trips are cetainly more pleasurable than the singing drunks on the c-train, frustrated drivers swearing from car windows while sitting in downtown traffic or the high stressed businessmen/women fighting for more wealth. Now, I just gotta figure out a way of keeping my suburban bliss while staying away from having to get married, popping out kids, hosting Mary Kay parties and lawn mowing.

The arts

2007-05-20T20:29:00.000-07:00

I'm finding myself drawn to the fascinating world of contemporary dance theatre. During Calgary's 2007 theatrical season I was fortunate enough to catch three super interesting performances, Alberta ballet's 'The fiddle and The Drum', Wen Wei's 'Unbound' and Nikolai Gogol's 'The Overcoat'. It's simply wonderful to watch talented dancers express ideas, emotions, feelings, etc... through flawless movement.

My newfound attraction surprises me however because up until now my exposure to contemporary art (mainly canvas and sculpture) hasn't been a positive one. There are a few contemporary artists that I do quite enjoy like Andy Warhol and Natalie Marsh but I usually rush through the contemporary section in musuems with disinterest.

So why does dance appeal to me above all contemporary mediums I've been exposed to so far? My passion for music is a factor, I also really enjoy the story telling aspect, but perhaps the shallowness in me simply enjoys watching hot bodies shake their groove thing!!

I survived PPW!

2007-03-02T17:43:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's me wearing a PINK cowboy hat during my first powder princess weekend in Fernie. I must admit, when I received my ppw invite I was a little hesitant as the word princess conjured up images of the stereotypical 'make up applying, hair styling, dress wearing, high heel strutting, pink loving' princess and this tomboy wasn't quite sure how she'd fit in. Plus given that I only knew 7 of the 20 girls going and hadn't snowboarded in 3 years, it's no surprise I had my doubts.

Well, not only did I survive the weekend but you've probably gathered from my enormous grin that I had a wonderful time. I met many terrific women and disovered powder princesses originate from all corners of social classification with the only common trait being a welcoming smile, generous personality, and great sense of humor.

Cuteness to the max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-31T11:50:00.000-08:00

My nephew the z-man - http://youtube.com/watch?v=zbMyTB9opYU

Who'd write your blog?

2007-01-20T07:00:00.000-08:00

Every night before bed I perform a mental recap of the ending day. Reviewing experiences and lessons learned. But nowadays there is one extra thought before my eyes close, "I should update the blog". Unfortunately sleep wins and I'm in dreamland before my brain can summon my tired hands into action.

There are many things I wish that you could have known since the last entry. Weird and wonderful events, happy and sad occurances, strange ponderings, fun ideas, and those unplanned happenings that make life worth talking about. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could choose someone to observe our life and blog for us. A literary talent who could weave a slightly exaggerated and extraordinary tale to carry forward the legacy of a life otherwise forgotten. A magical and heroic adventure by the likes of Tolkien or a rich and complex fantasy similar to Carroll's genius. But until someone steps forward and volunteers their time, I'll make a better effort of blogging more frequently about a life that hopefully, and without exageration, is without regret and something to be proud about.

(Drop a comment as I'm curious who you'd choose to write your blog)

Golfing with the dinosaurs

2006-11-25T23:09:00.000-08:00

As you can see lots of fun was had at the Calgary Hackers golf tournament which was held in Drumheller on September 20th. The golf course was quite challenging however the spectacular scenery was a good distraction from the depressing number of lost balls.

The tournament was to celebrate the completion of our league's first successful golfing season. What league you're probably wondering? Well the 'we could have been professionals if we started at 4' league of wannabe's! This was my first time running a golf league and my first attempt at organizing a golf tournament. It was pretty straight forward seeing as the participants are as easy going as the coordinator.

This was definitely the most enjoyable golfing season I have had since picking up the sport. My game's improved by leaps and bounds (yes, there was much room for improvement) because I golfed at least once a week. The winter's going to be tough but thankfully I can partially relieve my withdrawal symptoms at the indoor golf domes. I'm bummed about missing half the season next year but I figure if I golf three times the amount in two months it'd be almost like the past summer with the addition of golfer's elbow and a wicked tan.

The polish runaway who ate wasabi tuna

2006-10-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

After being swept away for nine days in a world of art, culture and fantasy, I have finally peeled my ass off the not-so-comfy theatre seat and returned to the real world. My favorite event in town, the Calgary International Film Festival just wrapped up their 7th successful year and although my eyes are a little irritated, my mind's content and occupied by the thoughts of inspiration and analyis that come from watching creative film making.

One of my favorite parts of the festival is running into the other film buffs I have met over the years. It's great meeting like minded individuals and discussing movies with slightly more depth than just the standard "good" or "bad" phrases we usually utter. I don't even have names for some of these festival regulars. Just comfortable familiar faces I see once a year. It's nice that way, not knowing anything about them, no complications, just immersing ourselves in one common interest.

A damsel not in distress

2006-09-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

I ran into a bit of a dilemma the other day that I would like to share with you.

As the sun set I was driving west on Crowchild trail when the front left wheel went flat. I slowly pulled over to the shoulder listening to the exposed rim make awful sounds against the road.

This isn't the dilemma.

It was raining and cold and I had left my jacket at home because I was only travelling a short distance. Also the shoulder was covered in mud because of nearby construction.

No dilemma here yet.

My trunk was packed solid with recycling so I had to empty it and throw eveything in my back seat.

I'm still dilemma free.

The butterly nut on the spare was unreasonably tight and my cold hands cried as I pried it off. The elevation screw on the jack was stuck and my already sore hands worked hard to lossen it.

Not even close to being a dilemma.

Finally with all the equipment in place I readied myself to change the tire. Suddenly a kind stranger pulled over to see if I needed help.

DILEMMA!

You see the guy was guite handsome and so I was hurdled into a mental ball of confusion with a split decision to make. Should I play damsel in distress and let him come to my rescue which could possibly turn into something else or let my internal feminist prove that I'm an independent woman that can take care or myself. Ahhhh!!!!

Well folks, the feminist won and my prince in shining armour drove away leaving this prideful woman to change the tire herself. Cold and muddy I drove home numberless and sure that my actions made no change whatsover in the female sexes fight to be recognized as strong individuals who don't need men so do everything that requires the slightest bit of muscle power. Sigh.

Stinky heat

2006-09-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

This morning's chill forced me to crank the temperature dial in my car from all green to all red. A yearly ritual that takes place around the same time and is a sure sign that summer is coming to an end. As my car filled with that heater smell that usually eminates when you haven't used it in a long time I reminisced about what a terrific summer it has been.

I won't recap everything as the important events have already been documented. The past four months have been super busy and although I didn't accomplish everything I planned it was still jammed packed with events. Two things in the way of self growth are worth bragging about. The first being the vast improvement in my golf game. It seems that golfing once a week regularly really does improve one's score. Who knew?! Secondly, I've come full circle and found my spiritual footing again. Somehow in the last couple of years I lost what I spent a lifetime building up. Through constant meditation and self reflection I've grounded myself and returned to the values and morals I once lived by. Finally, peace!!

Shit, it's starting to get a little too serious around here. Last weekend I managed one more camping trip before the campgrounds closed and it was fantastic! Zaman spent his first nights in the mountain and had his best sleep ever. He was so adorable all bundled up in the tent. Even the exploding coke can wasn't enough to wake him from his slumber.

I'm feeling a little exhausted these days just because the summer has been so eventful. I have 4 weeks of holiday I need to use before the end of the year so a short term hibernation doesn't seem like a bad idea. Unfortunately, the list of things to accomplish over the winter months is continuosly growing. :-)

Saxophone is the new water

2006-09-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

From the moment I picked up a saxophone I've been tinkering around with it at home on my own. Recently I ventured outside of my comfort zone and offered to play on a friend's cd. Or should I say 'attempted to play'. After many trials, I discoverd that I'm useless at accompaniment, which is a serious problem if I ever want to play in a band. Finally we turned off the music and I got to play solo, just how I like it. Still waiting to hear if any of it was usable. If so, I can now brag that I'm a recording artist (small exagerations never hurt anyone). If not, it's a hard lesson learned and a slight shot to my ego. Regardless, I've a choice to make, start putting myself out there and learn to play with others or stick to playing my own tune.

Now remember the cat? Well, I've discoverd that certain high pitched noises freak her out. Enter the saxophone. All I have to do is play a loud second octave c# and she goes running. Hiding under my bed until she's sure I'm done torturing her. We are now at the point where all that's required to send her running is to pick up the instrument and ready it for play. I'm thinking this is a great discovery. Anytime she's being bad I just threaten to play and she freaks. Works so much better than spraying her with water.

I was supposed to start a one week holiday on Friday, Septemeber 1. Let's recap how that's going. Worked through the night on Thursday/Friday. Showered and went to work for my regular 8 hours. On Friday at 4:00 pm when my holiday was supposed to begin I was still working. Left at 5:30 pm and did computer support for a friend for 4 hours, went home and started working. Worked through the night on Friday/Saturday, slept for two hours and then went into the office. Worked until 5:30 pm on Saturday and then went out for dinner. Sunday I 'rested'. Worked all day Monday (which was a statutory holiday), and through the night on Monday/Tuesday. Seeing a pattern here? Went to work on Tuesday, worked my normal 8 hours. The server crashed so I continued to work. Fixed the server at 9:00 pm and went home to start my 2 day 'holiday'. All this so some CEO of an oil and gas company can add another million to his pile. Hmmmm....I have some serious thinking to do during my days off.

Rogue says hola!

2006-08-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

My solo den of sex, drugs and rock 'n roll has been invaded by a beautiful cat named Rogue who moved in last week. She's a 3 year old part siamese domestic short haired ball of cute and cuddly. The poor thing was either lost or abandoned and wound up in my parents back yard. Since the owner couldn't be found the humane society was going euthanise her so I decided to take her in. She's been through so much and is a little traumatized but is slowly starting to make herself at home. Some of her favorite spots are the large floor pillows by my fireplace, beside me on the couch or curled up in the nook of my knees when I'm lying on my stomach reading. All of which she's gladly covered with her hair. Now it is public knowledge that I'm not really a pet person but little Rogue is definitely something special.

No pictures of Rogue yet as the weekend was really busy. Bad movie and good drinks on Friday, breaksfast with friends on Saturday, some driving range hacking and chillin' the rest of the time with the other cute and cuddly in my life, Zaman. That's right, I'm now allowed to say his name out loud, Zaman Ali. The naming ceremony took place on the 7th night after his birth. Also checked out the Latino Expo at Princes Island on Sunday and a good time was had of course. Latin dancing is sexy! Sexy like Justin Timberlake. Thank you Justin for reminding us through your latest "hit" single that the world was void of sexiness while you were on hiatus. What a stud.

Take your plaid pants and shove it

2006-08-27T04:12:00.000-07:00

A long time ago when the game of golf was created someone declared the rules of golf apparel etiquette and everyone followed. I wouldn't be surprised if that clever person was a founding member of Nike or Addidas, or some other billion dollar sporting/clothing company that profits from making people feel their worth is directly linked to the types of clothes they wear.

I've been getting a lot of slack for wearing jeans and birks on the golf course. I am calling bullshit. All I have to say is I'm damn comfortable and the other day I golfed 5 over. Booya!!

Samina's movie corner

2006-08-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

GO SEE LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE!

DON'T SEE MIAMI VICE (or anything else 'hollywood' that's in the theatres)

I'm serious. If you are thinking of going to any other movie, do not. Go to see 'Little Miss Sunshine' instead. Even if you have already seen it, see it again. Tell everyone you know to go and see it. Take your family, friends, coworkers, dog, cat, acquaintance, lover, ex-lover, mistress (mister?), heck, just pick up someone off the street and take them.

If you hate it, I'd be curious to know why so post a comment or leave nasty messages on my answering machine. If you like/adore it then post a comment or leave kind messages on my answering machine reiterating how wonderful I am.

I don't really care. Just go and see the movie now!

It's a boy!

2006-08-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday August 8th, 2006 at 2:05 am the world became a much better place with the arrival of my sister's first child. At 6.5 lbs and 21 inches he has to be the most perfect thing I've ever seen. I'm not allowed to reveal his name as the Islamic naming ceremony hasn't taken place so I will refer to him by his initials ZAJ.

It's amazing how many firsts came with the beginning of ZAJ's life. First breath, cry, sleep, poo, pee. First time parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. My first presence at a human birth and view of a placenta (which is far more interesting than gross). All within 12 hours of his birth. There are still a countless number of firsts to come and I hope to be able to experience some of them with him.

Being in the delivery room was truly a humbling experience. Watching those junior high sex ed movies of babies being born isn't even a fraction of what it's like to be there in person. I have a newfound respect for every brave woman who endures the feat of childbirth. Even after 14 hours of active labour there was no time to let the body recover as parenthood began immediately with constant care, feeding and diaper changes. Remarkable!

I think the most spectacular thing for me was watching my sister's face when they placed slime covered ZAJ in her arms right after he emerged. She went from an expression of sure exhaustion and pain to a blissful smile and elated eyes that can only eminate from a glowing heart. It was also touching to watch the exhausted father gush over his newborn son as he held him for the first time.

It's strange that all beautiful little ZAJ does is eat and sleep and yet he brings so much joy to the lives around him. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go spoil my nephew.

Paris vs. The Hoff

2006-08-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5615212328010933613

OR

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3382491587979249836

They both have a lot more fame and money than I'll ever see so maybe they both win (or lose).

Sing, sing out loud!

2006-08-05T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hung out at a friend's house a couple of night's ago. Just the usual spontaneous gathering of folks sharing in some good times. Ventured from the deck to the living room to the kitchen again and again chatting, laughing, debating, frolicking, etc.... Why do you care? Well, during one moment that night there were 4 of us who broke out into a spontaneous a cappella on and off key sober verision of Islands In The Stream. Fun and freeing! The next time you're just hanging out, I strongly encourage you pick a cheesy love song from the last two decades and sing without inhibition!

Miss me? Missed you!

2006-08-04T08:59:00.000-07:00

I have finally returned to the land of blogging. Here's a quick run down on what's been going on since you last visited.

Lots of stuff happened. Bye.

I'm hilarious! To the right is a picture of the first tee box for the Mount Lorette 18 at the breathataking Kananaskis golf course where I was lucky enough to golf a couple of weeks back. Now, I'm not a super rich celebrity or ultra loaded business woman so you might be thinking to yourself, 'how on earth could the samster afford to golf at such a pristine course?' Funded my heritage money, the course is actually very affordable even to us hard working middle class folk. It was such a great day and, unlike other goflers who measure the succes of a round of golf by keeping score, I measure mine by the number of lost balls, which was only 1 (and I managed to par a hole!)

Other stuff went down, eating, sleeping, drinking, volunteering, partying, meditating, exercising, working, reading, writing etc.... but the highlight had to be the folk festival. This being my first folk festival I purchased a four day pass and decided to see what would happen. Lots happened! Too much to blog about but the highlights were the people watching and dancing in the rain on Sunday night. Participated in the tarp run a couple of days which was super interesting. It entailed arriving very early (5 am on one day) and waiting in line where I met some cool people, was interviewed by BBC radio which aired later that day, and picked up a few tricks of the trade that will be useful next year. I got a kick out of how eager everyone was to get a good spot, but wasn't too impressed with those who's determination had a negative affect on themselves and eveyone around them. If you know me best, then you're aware that there are very few things I think are worth rushing for, so as everyone ran, I sauntered while watching the rushing herd fight for valuable land space. That definitely made it worth the time and effort.

Finally, it's been a pleasant surprise to learn that I have people in my life who care about what I have to say! Yay! This was bought to my attention by the number of inquiries I've received as to why I haven't been blogging. I adore you guys!

Under construction

2006-07-25T21:53:00.001-07:00

Sorry darlings but my computer at home is ill and so I haven't been able to post. I have everything noted and will update the blog as soon as the medicine kicks in.

Bay hales baby!

2006-07-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

Stampede week is among us and all the cowboys/girls have come out to play. Coporate life is at a standstill this week as most of my coworkers can be found gobbling free pancake breakfasts in the mornings and stumbling down Stephen ave. in the evenings after spending their afternoons at various corporate events.

Every morning as I walk to work in my cowboy birkenstocks (no boots for this gal) I stop by Olympic Plaza to check out that morning's Stampede entertainment. So far I've seen some line dancing, an all men's choir, a comedian and a local artist singing all your favorite country tunes. It's a fun way to experience a bit of the Stampede spirit without having to spend loads of money at the Stampede grounds and gorging on fat laiden food.

Last night I ventured out to the Stampede RoundUp which is a concert held every year (for the past 11 years to be exact) at Fort Calgary, and in my opinion is the best stampede event. Fun was had by all. Yahoo and all that shit!! The best part for me is cramming yourself on a bay hale with other friends and strangers and dancing up a storm while trying not to fall on your ass. This years artists were the Road Hammers, Blue Rodeo and a surprise guest who turned out to be the lead singer of Supertramp, Roger Hodgson. Roger sang all the popular favorites from his band's glory days and the crowd loved it. He was a great performer and I found him to be a very humble person who was really appreciative of his fans. He certainly had a great energy about him. And of course, being a sucker for a good angst ridden love song, Blue Rodeo was a joy to listen to. I especially enjoyed the brass instrument section they had on stage with them.

You say that you're leaving
Well that comes as no surprise
Still I kinda like this feeling
Of being left behind

Yea this ain't nothing new to me
Well it's just like going home
It's kinda like those sunsets
That leave you feeling so stoned

- Blue Rodeo

P.S. What? You've never heard of the Calgary Stampede before? If you buy into the marketing hype, it's apparently the greatest outdoor show on earth. Check it out, www.calgarystampede.com.

P.P.S. A 'bay hale' is a term coined by yours truly. East Indian slang. A little Asia added into the Western mix. Khuda hafiz!

Nothing's free in this world. But cheap is great!!

2006-07-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you're all aware of those annoying popups that promise free ipods, digital cameras, etc.... as you navigate the world wide web. About 5 months ago I set out to test if these enticing offers were really true. Well, my dear skeptics, I'm happy to say that today my 'free' ipod arrived in the mail. Actual cost = $52.05. Not bad for a device that is worth $300.

How does it work? Basically it's a pyramid scheme where you sign up for a sponsor's offer and get a required number of referrals to complete offers and VOILA, free stuff. Of course, nothing is quite that easy. As I approached friends and family to help me out with this experiment I was surprised to learn there are many cynics who walk amongst us. People who will by no means disclose any personal information or credit card numbers over the internet. Perhaps I'm not cautious enough, as I sign up for stuff left, right and center. Maybe the cynics have been burned before and I have yet to learn my lesson the hard way (touch wood).

So far I'm spam free and have not been charged anything more than what I agreed to pay for. And although the task was hard and the wait long, I really enjoyed the ride. By trying various offers I got to do some fun things, like experience the diet of South African tribesman, play a round of high stakes solitaire and learn the ins and outs of internet trading.

Receiving my 'free' ipod was truly a joy as you know how much I crave music. So thank you dearly to all of you who agreed to help me out and trusted that I wouldn't lead you astray. I am forever grateful!

Have kayak, will travel

2006-07-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

Drove up last Thursday to Spray Lake and camped for 3 nights. I'd still be there if I didn't have to work on Monday. Oh, and also for the fact that I hadn't showered in four days and couldn't take my own stank any longer.

This was my first time attempting to camp on a long weekend and the campground filled up fast. But with one spot under our belt, the rest pitched their tents in overflow and set up camp (no pun intended) on our site. It was fun for me to watch the hussle and bussle around the site as everyone did their own thing. Felt a bit like one big happy family....like the Brady bunch or the misunderstood Addams family. Can I be Marsha Brady?

Kudos to my sister Farah, who just entered here 9th month of pregnancy, for not letting such a trivial circumstance stop her. Three words, 'state of mind'. I even had a hard time keeping up with her as she hiked up hillsides and manouvered accross waterfalls.

I went kayaking every day in Spray Lake and it was pure bliss. At times it was just me and nature without another person in sight. Surrounded by mountains I would float in the middle of the lake and let the whisper of the water take me away. And just as I was about to enter the calming state of meditation and leave reality for a brief moment, the sickening sound of someone in a motorized water vehicle disturbed nature's poetic silence to remind me that there's no escape. Argh!

The rest of the weekend was filled with the usual camping joys. Camping by yourself and with others are two very different experiences. When I'm by myself I relish the quiet mornings but when I'm with others, my favorite thing is the campire huddle at night. This weekend was no exception. I especially enjoyed when the instuments came out and also the gut wrenching laughs that this group inspired in me.

I am a robot. Must have blog.

2006-06-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

After much persistence I am finally creating a blog for public viewing, well aware of what will happen next. A few interested parties will visit here after I spam them via email. They may even return once or twice before losing interest. I will continue to post for weeks, maybe months, perhaps years with the slightest hope that one other soul finds my life even the slightest bit interesting.

Now, here is where things get a little fuzzy.

Time will pass (much too quickly) and either nuclear war will destroy this blog or I'll get married and happily settle down in my ticky tacky house with 2.5 kids, never to blog again.

But perhaps, one day, my arthritic hands will find themselves back here to reminisce over what is about to be told.